Learning to Trust
by allessandramari
Summary: A visitor from Jess's past forces him to break his promise to Rory to keep her safe, and he puts his trust in some surprising characters who help him overcome his history. But will it matter in the end? Can Rory and Jess get over this last hurdle to their happy ending? Story #5 in my post series series. Start reading with How Did I Get Here. updated 7/23
1. Chapter 1- The Coldness Inside

**A/N- If you haven't read my first stories, start with How Did I Get Here. This is a series. Thank you for reading and reviewing. I love reviews!**

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter One: The Coldness Inside

It was one a.m. and Jess was writing in his office downstairs when the screaming began. The bloodcurdling cries had him racing up the steps to their bedroom.

"Rory! Rory! Wake up," Jess said, reaching out to brush the hair off her face. After they moved in together, Luke shared with him the story of the terrible night he found Rory in the diner. Curled up on the floor, fighting her assailant in her sleep, and Jess had woken to Rory having nightmares before, but nothing like this. Nothing like what Luke experienced. He kept talking, the way Luke said to, and eventually Rory woke, gasping for breath, the tears choking her throat.

"Jess, Jess, please don't leave me. You can't leave me. Promise, promise me!" she cried, frantic in his arms.

"Shhh, Ror… it's okay. I won't leave. Is that what you're dreaming about? Me leaving? Tell me, please. Trust me," he said holding her tight, knowing it was the dream talking, fearing she hadn't forgiven him.

"No, I dreamt… it was stupid. I dreamt the toaster was broken, and you said you would fix it, but it fell down the steps. You looked down from the top step, shook your head and turned away. You walked away. The toaster was in thousands of pieces and Luke said 'No one can fix this, he's shattered,' and you were lying there. Bleeding from a hundred holes on our wood floor," Rory sobbed. Jess soothed her, holding her tight, rocking her gently, whispering how much he loved her, and he'd never leave her. Her crying turned to gasps, then sporadic hiccups, before he was able to lay her down and hold her while she slept.

Sleep didn't come easy for Rory, the empty feeling kept her awake long after Jess thought she drifted off and fell asleep himself. She was so cold inside. Something was coming. She knew something bad was coming, and nothing could spoil tomorrow for her mom. Luke and Lorelai were going to get married and nothing else mattered. But she knew, the coldness inside was growing and she knew.


	2. Chapter 2- Finally!

**A/N-Thank you to those who review this fluffy chapter. I thought we needed a little fluff before the ride ahead.**

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Two: Finally!

On a crisp December 29th, Stars Hollow held its collective breath. The odds in Kirk's pool were overwhelmingly for the wedding to take place, but there were a few who watched the road for the jeep, fully expecting it to tear by on its way out of town. They were wrong.

"Tell me why I wanted an afternoon wedding again? Why didn't I go with a nice ten a.m. service? I'd be married and enjoying my reception! Or even making sweet first ever married to Luke love," Lorelai whined as she waited for Lane to finish styling her hair so Emily's tiara could be pinned in place.

"Were you even awake at ten this morning?" Rory asked, knowing she was opening herself up to questions since she was the one who was supposed to wake Lorelai on this special day, and she had slept in till after ten herself. Shaking off the memory of her dream, she passed Lane the hairspray.

"No! And I wonder why? I expected an early morning wake up call. I thought the plan was for my loving daughter, who I distinctly remember bringing into this world, despite the excruciating pain of doing so, to come by early with coffee and pancakes for one last heart to heart. I didn't expect to stagger, nay, crawl, out of bed after eleven, famished, dehydrated, decaffeinated, and have to find my own way to said child's home. Terrified, I tell you, weeping with worry the fruit of my loins had withered off the vine, shuffling off her mortal coil. And Sookie? Do you know what I found?" Lorelai asked, mock crying.

"No cupcake. I don't, was she there? Had she been kidnapped? Is she a figment?" Sookie asked, playing along, pretending to dab at her eyes, sniffing, and letting out a fake sob.

"Snuggling! I tell you there was blatant snuggling going on between my only child and the writer! I was dying of thirst, ready to gnaw off my own arm, and she was dallying with the writer!" Lorelai said, raising her voice dramatically at the end.

"Ohhh! I know this one! Moulin Rouge right?" April said, laughing, pleased she had caught a movie reference. Rory and Lorelai laughed at her enthusiasm.

"We will make you an honorary Gilmore yet!" Rory said, handing Lane the tiara to put in Lorelai's hair. "It was a rough night for me mom, I'm very glad you didn't have a morning wedding, since I would have been a zombie."

"Zombies are very in this year. Here Lorelai, see what you think," Lane said, handing her a mirror, sidetracking Lorelai from focusing on Rory. Rory smiled at Lane, grateful once again for her friend's perception.

"Oh mom, you look incredible!" Rory sighed, trying to avoid tears.

"Oh no! Look at the time sweetie!" Sookie said, grabbing her shoes, and pushing everyone but Rory and Lorelai out the door.

"Five minute warning, Lorelai," Richard said from the hallway. Rory dug for her purse.

"I almost forgot! Okay, borrowed is your tiara; blue is your garter,"

"Which Luke will take off with his teeth," Lorelai smirked, as Rory closed her eyes trying to block out her mother's glee at the thought.

"Um, yes, well. Deserves a dirty, and an eewww, but anyway… Okay. Your new item is from this morning's Hartford Gazette," Rory said, handing her mom the newspaper. "I already cut one out for you, and put it in this little pocket to pin to the inside of your dress."

"It's my horoscope for today! _If you're getting married today, you will not just get married, you will be very married. _A play on Audrey Hepburn's quote! It's perfect!" Lorelai said, as Rory smiled. The favors she called in to get it printed were well worth her mother's joy.

"I thought it would go well with this, here is your old item to put in the pocket," Rory said, handing Lorelai the horoscope she had given Luke when she had first met him, roughly sixteen years before. "Luke thought you should carry it today, give it back to him at the reception." Lorelai ran her fingers over the horoscope, and folding it with care, put it with the new one to be pinned to her dress.

"Aaahhhh! I can't tear up. I'll ruin my makeup, quick daughter of mine, say something funny," Lorelai said, looking at her friend, her child.

"A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."

"That's it? That's all you've got?"

"Well, I'm working under pressure here! And Monty Python's always funny," Rory replied, as she finished pinning the pocket to Lorelai's wedding dress. "Time to go! Unless you've changed your mind? Although I have to tell you, if you run, Taylor will make a hell of a lot of money in the pool."

"And there's reason enough to get married. I always want to stick it to Taylor. Give me a hug and send in dad," Lorelai added as she squeezed Rory tight.

The townspeople of Stars Hollow had campaigned for the wedding of Luke Danes to Lorelai Gilmore to take place in the town square, but Lorelai, Luke and the late December wedding conspired against them. Thus it was with smashed bodies, and more than one person camping overnight to get a decent seat, the wedding was held in the church. The same church which had witnessed the nefarious breaking of the bells many years ago. The same church which only seated fifty-eight. Pews built for six, were crammed with ten to twelve. The sides of the church were filled with people planning on standing during the ceremony.

Emily knew, despite the odd townspeople (My God, is that Kirk person in his pajamas?) the wedding would be beautiful. She had seen to the flowers, the deepest red roses and white calla lilies, and the hundreds of candles at the front of the church which would illuminate the couple as they said their vows. Standing with Luke, in matching tailored black evening tailcoat suits, were Jess as his best man and April and Zack as his groomsmen. Emily had given repeated instructions on how to stand, and proper hand placement, but Luke was fidgeting. Every time he shuffled his feet or thought about running his hand through his hair, Emily glared.

"Luke, relax. You're making Emily nervous and the bridesmaids are lining up. She didn't bolt," Jess said. April giggled, and the town minstrel began to play his guitar. All eyes turned to the rear of the church.

Lane knew she was the oldest flower girl in the history of flower girls, but she dropped the rose petals with a smile and a flourish in her deep red velvet bridesmaid dress. Lorelai had sewn their dresses, out of the same material, but in different styles to fit their personalities. Lane's dress was simple, just below the knees, with a square neckline. The edging on her dress was of black cording giving it a rocker vibe. Doubling as a bridesmaid, she handed her basket to Emily, and took the bouquet of lilies. Lane moved to her position with a loving look at Zack as Sookie began her walk up the aisle. Sookie was wearing a longer, flirty swish skirt and sported a black silk fringed shawl over a v-neck, sleeveless top. She only tripped once on the way up the aisle, and it was obvious the Rev. Skinner was praying she wouldn't somehow light the church on fire as he repeatedly glanced back at the bank of candles behind him.

Everyone in the church heard Jess's indrawn breath as Rory came into view. He had always thought she looked best in blue, but the dark red made her eyes blaze, searing into his, as she began her walk down the aisle. She was almost completely covered in her full length fitted dress. The long sleeves of the velvet jacket gave it the hint of a romantic old fashioned riding habit, but the slit up the side, giving him the flash of black stocking covered leg, was Lorelai's way of showing Rory's passion for life. There were more than a few knowing smiles as everyone watched the younger couple, and gasps as Jess broke protocol. He stepped down to meet Rory, and kissed her hand while guiding her to her spot next to Sookie. Standing next to her, listening to Luke hissing "Jess!" he cupped her face with one hand, lightly kissed her on the lips, smirked at Luke, and moved back to his place. Lorelai simply shook her head and smiled as Richard began leading her up the aisle. As far as she was concerned, her bridesmaids' walks couldn't have been more in keeping with their personalities, and made her wedding special.

Her dress was perfect for a winter wedding only days after Christmas. A red velvet edged simple sweetheart neckline, and a full flared floor length skirt, also edged with the velvet. The only other embellishment was beading in the same snow white color of the dress, forming an unobtrusive pattern on the front of the skirt, and the top of the bodice, reminiscent of an elaborate snowflake. Richard, looking healthy and dapper in his tailcoat, handed Lorelai off to Luke with a kiss on her cheeks.

"I'm proud of you, the choices you've made may not have been mine, but they were right for you. I hate to let you go, but he's a good man." Richard said before rejoining his teary wife in the first row. Picking up Emily's hand, Richard gave it a gentle kiss, before turning to enjoy the service.

Paris, seated in the second row despite Kirk's attempt to keep the seats for himself and Lulu, spent most of the wedding watching Jess watch Rory. She knew he was Rory's intellectual equal, despite his choices, and Rory had always loved him. But she hadn't realized how much he cared. As Luke and Lorelai said their vows and exchanged rings, Rory's eyes filled with tears and Paris watched Jess fight to restrain himself from moving to comfort her. Yes, they were happy tears streaming down Rory's cheeks, but it was obvious it didn't matter to Jess. He didn't like seeing Rory cry. Smiling to herself as the bride and groom kissed, Paris watched Jess begin to edge toward Rory. By the time the cheering stopped and Luke and Lorelai were moving down the steps, Jess had Rory in his arms, holding her to his chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his breath warm against her ear.

"Of course! It was beautiful wasn't it? And we'll be next," Rory whispered, moving out of his arms to guide him down the aisle to the receiving line.


	3. Chapter 3- Sharks and Associates

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Three: Sharks and Associates

Jess was ringing in Kirk and Lulu's order when the bell above the door chimed. Glancing up, his stomach dropped to the floor, and he fought to maintain a blank face as he counted out Kirk's change. Watching out of the corner of his eye as Lane approached the smiling man, and took his order, Jess tried to restart his heart. He wasn't fooled by the smile. He could see the shark under the surface. Turning into the kitchen to check on Caesar, Jess thanked God he was here covering for Luke on his honeymoon, and not in Truncheon 2 or walking around town with Rory. Waiting for the man to finish his ham sandwich, Jess donned the persona of diner owner. He called the meat man, and yelled the way Luke would about the missing chicken. He announced to Lane he needed to go up to **his** apartment to get the order before leaving her in charge while he stepped out for a bit. Grabbing a book, he left the diner, taking his time. He knew he was being stalked as he walked to the bridge. Rory was in New York, meeting with a woman who wanted to sell her personal library of first editions, so the bridge was safe, and secluded.

"Mariano, never thought I'd see the day an earner such as yourself would go legit," the man said as he flicked matches into the lake.

"Ray, been a long time, you on vacation?" Jess asked, standing.

"Vacation, yeah, guess you could say I'm on vacation. I'm Messaggero now. Do a lot of traveling. You've done well for yourself Mr. Best Seller. I'm here to pull your marker," Ray said, waiting for Jess's reaction. Jess narrowed his eyes, took in the jacket with its slight bulge and uneven hang. Ray might be a liaison between the families now, but Jess also knew Ray's past. They'd been friends. Associates. As an Enforcer, Ray had killed his way up the ladder. From the best seller comment, Jess knew the diner owner persona wasn't going to work. From the marker comment he knew nothing was going to work.

"I'll need some time. I need to watch the diner till my uncle returns from his honeymoon. And I'll need to cut ties with my partners in Philly. They're not connected and I want to keep it that way," Jess said, running his hand through his hair. Movements slow, and controlled. Trying to keep his expression blank. "Why now?" he asked.

"You're smart, you have to travel for book signings, you can be used. You aren't fighting this, why? I thought I'd have to threaten the pretty girl from the paper, from your uncle's wedding reception. Great figure, more your type than the stacked blondes you used to hang with. I laughed my ass off. Messy Mariano in the Hartford society pages, but you caught my attention. When I googled you, I wasn't surprised, you were always reading," Ray smiled, and once again, Jess was struck by dread at the sight. And by Ray bringing up Rory. He shrugged his shoulders.

"Huh. I've been writing because I'm bored. I'm dying here. Yeah, the girl's pretty in an innocent way, but passion? Forget about it. Did you see the rest of the people in the pictures? And this town? Need a unicorn? Seriously, there are at least seven stores selling nothing but unicorns. So when my uncle comes back at the end of the week? My obligation's up."

"Alright. Till the end of the week, I'm making a run to Chicago, and I'll swing by to pick you up after. I've got plans for you boy. Big plans. The books are currently open. Still anti-junk?" Ray asked.

"Yeah, never touch the stuff," Jess replied. He'd bought himself some time, but not much.

"Good. No one will ever suspect you," Ray said with a wink before heading to his vehicle. He stopped, facing Jess again. "Cut your ties, be ready to go. I'd hate to whack you after working so hard to save your life. But I will."

**A/N- **

******I know giving Jess connections to mobsters took some of you by surprise. His past in the show is vague, we know Liz couldn't handle him, he'd gotten into some trouble, and he didn't need keys to get into Luke's. The rest is so up in the air, really, anything goes. But in the back of my mind, I always think of King's Misery, when Annie has the writer tied up and is talking about the old movie serials, (chapter plays) where the story is ruined when you show Rocketman plunging over a cliff in a car at the end of one, and out of the car saving the day in the next, without showing how it happened. The writers cheated, and for Annie, there was no bigger sin. I know this seems like a big leap, but if he was doing illegal stuff, and in Getting Back on the Bus I had him stealing cars, he would have been working with chop shops and I imagine places like those wouldn't exist in New York without being connected. Hopefully, I do the story line I've created justice, so it works without cheating. Without too big a leap. To accomplish it, I'll be dipping into his childhood more, and the gray area in New York after CA, but before Philly. Happy reading, and remember don't forget to review… I tried to be as accurate as possible with my terms, but I know very little about the "real" lives of made men. Messaggero is supposedly a relatively new position, created by a New York family.**


	4. Chapter 4- An Unlikely Ally

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Four: An Unlikely Ally

Heading to the diner to finish his shift, Jess was planning with every step. Ray had threatened Rory, and the only thing which mattered was protecting her. Protecting her from his past. Even at sixteen he could see where his life was headed, and while the rest of the crew he hung with were salivating for it, he only wanted a way out. His past, Jesus. There were reasons he hadn't stayed in New York, especially the second time. He cleaned the counters, and after leaving Caesar to close the diner, he sent Rory a text saying he had to make a run to Philly.

"Hey guys. I'm crashing here tonight," Jess said, striding into Truncheon four hours later. "I need to borrow your printer, and can you get Jones here tomorrow morning before he goes to his office for me?"

"Yeah, sure. Why do you need a lawyer? You didn't get a better offer did you?" Chris asked.

"Nah. I need to set up some provisions for Rory. Want to make sure she's taken care of if anything happens to me," Jess replied, caught up in his research. Finding what he needed on-line, he plugged information into the blanks, and printed. After confirming their friend and lawyer was coming at seven, Jess made an excuse not to go out for drinks, and headed upstairs. Crashing on the couch, he stared at the ceiling, and finalized his plan. Tomorrow, he'd head back to Stars Hollow, get the order ready for Lane to call in, and destroy his life. He didn't notice the tears seeping out the corner of his eyes as he drifted off to sleep.

He was getting damn tired of spending money on bar tabs, Matt thought as he went to the bathroom after coming home from the club. Stumbling through the living room on his way to the kitchen for water, he forgot Jess was sleeping on the couch and turned on the light. Glancing over to see if he had woken him, Matt was surprised to see Jess silently crying. Hell, Jess didn't even appear to be awake. Watching tears streak down Jess's face while he was snoring softly almost had Matt calling Rory, but since it was after midnight, he decided to talk to Jess about it in the morning. Something was going on and it was his job as a friend to find out what. Shaking his head, he shut off the light and headed to bed.

Jess woke early, with a headache, and he was cold since he'd forgotten to grab a blanket. But it was good because it meant he was up before Matt, who was supposed to open Truncheon today. Jess didn't want to deal with the questions when Matt realized what was going on. Sneaking into his friend's room to shut off the alarm, he knew Matt would sleep till noon if he didn't have a clock set. Grabbing Matt's cell, he shut it off too, just in case. Making the decision he didn't want to talk to anybody, he did the same to Chris, before heading downstairs to meet the lawyer. Jones was nice enough to stop by on his way to the office, and wasn't surprised to see everything ready. His dealings with Jess had always been straight to the point. After chatting a bit, and using the new agent Truncheon had hired as a witness, the paperwork was complete and Jones was on his way to work. Jess grabbed his bag from behind the desk, he left his friends and business partners without saying goodbye. It was better this way, if you said goodbye, it was real.

Heading straight to the diner and arriving in time to clean up from the lunch rush, Jess nodded to Ray as he walked by the man's table. Grabbing a pot of coffee, he went around topping off cups.

"Thought you were headed to Chicago?" he asked Ray, as he poured.

"Had to make sure you returned first. Thought for a moment you were jumping ship," Ray said, eyes focused on Jess.

"Nah, had to cut ties in Philly. Would you like any pie with your coffee?" Jess asked as Miss Patty walked in, giving Jess and Ray her best come hither look.

"Sure, what is it with this town? How can you stand it?" Ray asked, watching as the older woman blatantly stared at Jess's ass.

"I can't," Jess said, returning with Ray's pie.

"Your girl was in here asking about you. Ignoring her texts?" Jess fought not to tense, to make the onslaught of fear look like irritation.

"Yeah, she's kinda needy. Town Princess and all. I better get going, need to do the order so there's food to serve when Luke returns."

"I'll be back on Friday to pick you up," Ray said, tossing money on the table and standing to leave.

"Good. I can avoid date night then," Jess replied with a smirk, before heading across the diner to Patty's table. Pouring her coffee, he watched as Ray drove out of town. Checking around, he saw they were the only ones left in the diner. Sitting down across from her had her widening her eyes in surprise.

"I need your help," Jess said, clearly uncomfortable. "I wouldn't ask if there was another way." Miss Patty looked at him, assessing.

"The man you were talking to reminded me of my fourth husband. I met him in a New York night club. I was a dancer, and he was gorgeous and powerful. Wore the same expensive tailored suits as your friend. I bet he has the same relatives. It was an exciting marriage, but not one I'd repeat."

"This is going to be hard, it'll require all your acting skills, your information gathering abilities and you have to keep secrets," Jess replied, not thrown by Miss Patty's perception. She nodded before replying.

"Oh, how exciting!"

"Let me see your cell phone," Jess said, and they began to plan. When they were finished, both were depressed. Patty wasn't even dabbing at her tears. She let them flow, as she flashed back to their toasts at the Gilmore-Danes wedding reception. Rory had spoken first, one hand holding the mic, the other holding Jess's.

"_I've been asked several times if mom marrying Luke meant I would be losing my best friend. I believe mom and Luke share a deeper friendship than BFF's, as they should. So no, I won't be losing my best friend. I will be gaining. I'll be able to call the good man who has always been there for me, no matter what his relationship with mom was at the time, my father. Because Luke, whether it was bandaging my owies, lending me your strength, or listening to me. You were there. You fed us, supported us, and kept us caffeinated. You were there sneaking me my Jess fix when everyone was against us. You were the only one who knew we loved each other. We didn't even know, but you did. I believe you've loved mom and by extension me, for a long time. To Lorelai and Luke, it may have taken you a while to get here but your love is true. Based on strength and courage. Congratulations mom and the only true dad I've ever known," she said squeezing Jess's hand. Jess wrapped his arm around Rory's waist, tugging her into his side and cleared his throat. Taking the focus off of Luke's tear filled eyes._

"_She stole my quote attributed to Lao Tzu. Well, paraphrased it anyway, so I guess I can still use it. 'Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.' I think we can all agree, the couple in front of us exemplifies this as we've seen them grow together over the years. And they did grow together, finding their way slowly, becoming friends first. Giving the rest of us hope in love, specifically giving me hope for a future with my Gilmore girl," Jess looked around the room, double checking to make sure his mother hadn't come back from putting Doula to bed before continuing. "Lorelai, we've had a rocky relationship, to say the least, but when I write mothers, you're the inspiration I draw from. Now, I'm not going to call you mommy, or aunt, but I'm glad you're in my uncle's life. Making him happy, strong and courageous."_

The step Jess was taking showed great strength and courage, Miss Patty thought, her heart breaking for the young couple who had been through so much to get together. He loved Rory deeply, there was no greater proof than what he was going to do. And she would be the only one to know the truth. Wiping her tears, she stood, laid a hand on Jess's shoulder, squeezed it gently and as people began approaching the diner for dinner, she let go, threw back her head and laughed as the bell over the door tinkled. Her parting shot, as she sashayed out the door, told Jess their plan would work.

"Jess Mariano, you flirt you, you know… I'm still young enough to marry again."


	5. Chapter 5- A Little Death

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Five: A Little Death

It was after five, and Rory was on her way. He'd responded to her texts, but kept the answers short. He knew he had to start pushing her away, but damn he wanted tonight. He wanted to hold her in his arms, make love to her, one last time. He wanted to say goodbye. But he'd have to be careful, by tomorrow, he needed to leave town, and this time he had to disappear. No visits to family or friends, he had to cut himself off from everyone he had opened up to and learned to love. No more Truncheon, no more publishing, no more life. Grabbing a book, and sitting behind the counter he waited for the bell to ring announcing her arrival. Using his anger over the situation to fuel his return to teenage Jess, he snarled at everyone who dared approach. They scurried away, and out the diner door. They stopped their friends from entering, turning the dinner rush around. Rory watched the townspeople flee with trepidation as she walked down the block. Only three things could cause an exodus of such biblical proportions, Brennon, the boy who didn't wash his hands after dissecting frogs, Luke after Lorelai slept with Christopher, or an angry Jess. Of the three only one was currently feasible. Sighing, she wondered what was going on as she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Jess, Rory's here," Lane mumbled, hoping Jess would turn back into the man they had come to know over the last couple of months. Jess responded by turning a page in his book, and ignoring everyone around him. Lane gave Rory a sympathetic look and moved into the storage room to give them space.

"Jess? Talk to me? Why is everyone acting like the diner is home to an ecoli outbreak?" Rory asked, giving Jess's wrist a light touch. Jess felt her touch from his wrist to his toes. It swirled through his stomach tightening his muscles. It made his eyes burn, and his heart stall and stutter. His fingers tightened on his book.

"Jess?" Rory whispered, watching the play of emotions pass over his face, dread seeping into her limbs weighing them down.

"This town gets to me. Let's get out of here," Jess said, moving out from around the counter. "Lane, I'm leaving," he called before striding out the door. Leaving a wary Rory to follow. Jess waited until Rory had entered the house, and then he crushed her to his chest, holding her head with one hand, he kissed her, thrusting his tongue in her mouth, swallowing her. Bruising her lips with his.

"Jess," Rory whimpered when he pulled away to catch a breath. Dropping his forehead to hers, he gulped air into his lungs and fought for control. He had backed her up against the front door, her shirt was ripped open, buttons scattered across the floor, and her hair was falling half out of the coil she had styled this morning. Laughing at himself, a short bark like sound which scared her, making her visibly flinch, he pulled away. Running his fingers through his hair, he looked everywhere around the room but at her. Spinning on his heel, he began to move toward his office.

"No!" Rory yelled, stopping him in his tracks, he turned her direction. "I wasn't stopping you, I wanted to move it to a couch or a bed. I need you too. I don't know why you need me, but I know something's wrong, and I need you," she added. Pulling herself away from the door, she took Jess by the hand and led him upstairs.

Jess watched Rory sleeping, memorizing every plane of her face, every dip in her body. Once again, she'd surprised him. Her need equaled his, and the passion, the violence, of their coming together had been incredible. Skin to skin, they had never felt so close, so spent. Taking the time to recover, without releasing her, Jess had propped himself up on his elbows and kissed her gently, soothing where he punished before. Rory ran her hands down his back, kissed his neck and lips, whispered in his ear her words of love, and he found himself growing ready again. Already where he needed to be, the second time was gentle, every touch an outpouring, a reaffirmation, of their love. He was going to miss her, miss this life they had built together. Now, as tears burned in his eyes, he left their bed and went to his office. It was time to begin the end. He knew Rory would wake and come looking for him.

"Jess? Are you ready to tell me what's bothering you yet?" Rory asked, unknowingly opening the door for him. It was the one thing he couldn't figure out. How to start the argument. Slamming his chair back, and tossing his book down, he stood and spoke. His heart screamed.

"Jesus, Rory! Give it a rest."

"No. I won't. Is it me?"

"Huh. I can't believe how spoiled you are. It's all about you. Always. Not everything is about the town princess."

"Jess, no. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. If it's not about me, is it the town? Do you hate it here so much?"

"Rory, leave it the fuck alone. Please," Jess said, pushing past her to the coat rack, and grabbing his jacket.

"Where are you going? Don't leave. We can talk about this," Rory bit out, angry. Jess was glad to see her anger.

"I don't know what you want to hear from me. I can't take this right now, and I have to open the diner anyway," Jess said, taking one long last look at Rory before walking out the door. Slamming it shut behind him.

Rory stood in the entryway of the house she and Jess had decorated, wrapped her arms around her waist and cried. On occasion, he needed time by himself. He'd done it in Boston when they were dating, some of his words were even the same and like then, he hadn't taken anything with him. Even though this time felt different, she knew he'd be back. Gathering herself together, she went up the steps to bed. She was meeting an author tomorrow morning at nine in New York, so she had an early day too. She told herself the chances were good he'd find his way back to their bed before morning, and they'd laugh about it tomorrow.

Jess stood outside, the cold biting his wet cheeks, and waited till the bedroom light turned off, before walking to the diner. He had already put the flash drive his new completed manuscript was on, along with a hard copy, on the table in the apartment. He added copies of the paperwork putting the house in Rory's name and signing over his interests in Truncheon and Truncheon 2 to her. There was paperwork signing over his interests in his books to her. All of his books, including the new novel, and any future works. Jones had already filed the originals with the courts. Sitting down at the table, he thought about what he could write as a goodbye. Nothing came to him, so he wrote one word, and picking up his duffle bag, he disappeared.


	6. Chapter 6- All Are Punished

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Six: All Are Punished

Returning from New York in the afternoon, Rory went straight to the diner. Jess hadn't joined her in bed, and the argument worried her. It had been a crappy morning, somehow her alarm was set to the wrong time, and she woke up too late to get breakfast or coffee as she flew out the door to her meeting. Plus, Jess's phone had been going straight to voicemail. Walking in, as the bell announced her arrival, she knew something was wrong. For one thing, Lane was there instead of Jess, and there was pity in her eyes. Everyone was silent. Except Kirk.

"Rory, I'm so sorry. I would like to offer you my services. Anything Jess could do for you, I can do," Kirk stammered, not realizing how inappropriate his comments were.

"Kirk! What's going on? Lane?" Rory asked, confused and feeling sick to her stomach.

"Rory, let's go upstairs. There's some stuff you need to see," Lane said, pulling Rory up the steps with her.

Rory sat at the table, tears running down her face as she read the note and looked at the paperwork. It was obvious he'd been planning this for some time. He had thought of the house, the business and finished his novel. But this time, he had left a note. A note which told her everything. It was over, he was gone and not coming back. She knew. As she fell to the floor, rocking back and forth, keening her pain, she clutched his note in her hand. The note which only said one word. Goodbye. He had never said goodbye before.

Stumbling down the steps, Rory fled the diner to her mom's house. She called her mom's cell and tried to tell her what happened. She was sobbing too hard, and Lorelai couldn't understand anything Rory was saying. After calling Lane, Lorelai and Luke cut their honeymoon short and flew home.

"I don't get it," Luke kept repeating, over and over again on the flight from Florida. "It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make any sense." It wasn't until he said it at home, after seeing Rory, Lorelai responded.

"No. It makes no sense, how he could leave. Breaking her heart again, but this time it's so much worse. She's devastated Luke. My little girl had her heart violently ripped out by your nephew. Again," Lorelai said, before throwing the coffee cup she was holding across the kitchen to crash against the cupboards. Luke knew it was true, and he'd never been angrier.

"I'll find him. I'll find the little punk and drag him back here so you can kill him. Then I'll kill him."

"No, dragging him back would make it worse. So much worse. He should have never come here the first time."

Rory could hear them talking in the kitchen, but it didn't penetrate the fog she was living in. She curled in a little ball, her heart shattered, it was her bleeding on the floor with a hundred holes, and not even Luke could put her toaster back together again. Luke and Lorelai stopped talking when the hysterical laughter began. Running into Rory's bedroom, Lorelai folded Rory into her arms, holding her tight as the laughter turned into sobs. Luke stood in the door, watching Rory breakdown, cursing his nephew. Spinning on his heels, he went to the church and rang the town bells.

Once everyone had gathered in Miss Patty's dance studio for the emergency meeting, Luke took the floor.

"No one, no one allows Jess back into this town. I hereby banish him from Stars Hollow. I exile him forever. Taylor, feel free to pass all the laws you need to. He doesn't come back," Luke said before stomping out and slamming the door shut behind him. The roar of the townspeople grew, drowning out Miss Patty's sadly spoken "Oh my."


	7. Chapter 7- A Newfound Respect For Life

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Seven: A Newfound Respect For Life

Sitting in the cheapest motel room Cleveland had to offer, Jess traced his trip so far, looking for mistakes, anything which could lead Ray to him. Leaving Stars Hollow, Jess had hopped a bus, and arriving in Hartford, he picked up the ticket he'd purchased on-line. From New York, a person could take a bus almost anywhere, but he only wanted to start a paper trail. Tickets were non-refundable, so the guy he offered it to, saying he had a change of plans, didn't think anything was odd. He gave Jess some cash, and headed into the terminal. There was a possibility Ray would think Jess had transferred in New York. Either way, it would have to be checked out which would buy time. Jess took the shuttle to long term parking, found an older model Toyota with the ticket in view on the dash, popped the lock, and put his bag in the trunk. Getting back in the car, he checked the glove box, and sure enough, there was a spare set of keys. People hated to carry big sets of keys when traveling, so they stuck them in the glove box. Making crime easy. Stopping a hundred miles down the road, he changed the license plates once at a bar, from another Camry, and felt comfortable enough to drive the rest of the way to Cleveland in the car. He was sad to leave it at the mall.

Jess turned up the heat in his room, and thought about his next step. He had an I.D. in another name, but it would expire soon, and he would prefer to work under the table anyway. But when he decided where he was going, he might rent a room and renew it. Ray didn't know about it, he had arranged it on his own, so it should be safe. It was almost impossible in this day and age to exist without an I.D., which is why he went to the trouble of renewing every four years. All he needed was the original I.D., the fake birth certificate, and a couple of bills proving residency. Not using it to leave Connecticut was the smart thing too, even if it would have been easier, who knows how deep Ray would go with his investigation. In the back of his mind, he'd always known this could happen. He'd always had his kit ready, prepared to run. Calling the desk, he set a wakeup call and tried to sleep. Giving up, he began flipping through the TV channels, trying to take his mind off of Rory.

By now, she knew he was gone.

Spending Thursday in his room, Jess paced. So many things could go wrong. Had Ray changed? He was counting on Ray to act the same as he had seven, eight years ago. Of course, Ray wasn't an enforcer now. He was Messaggero, so he would avoid getting his hands dirty. He would be less likely to fly off the handle. No, he'd use his connections to look for Jess. After tomorrow, Ray would have someone install surveillance in a few key places, and as long as Jess didn't make contact. Rory would be safe. Trying to write sidetracked Jess for a bit, but eventually, he returned to channel flipping and pacing.

On Friday, Jess was climbing the walls, anxious, as he waited for Miss Patty to text him on his prepaid cell. She was the only one with the number, and it was for today and emergencies only. He'd also given Miss Patty a note to leave on the bridge for Ray. It was the only other place they talked, so he knew Ray would look for him there. Jess waited to hear Ray was in the diner. He was too keyed up to write in the notebook he brought with, so he sat.

Miss Patty had pinned the note to the bridge on her morning walk, and was leaning against the open door of the dance studio when the black Lincoln town car rolled into town. She watched Ray park by the diner and saunter in. Giving him a few minutes to hear the newest gossip, she released her yoga class, and putting out her cigarette, wandered over for an early lunch. Luke was there, and besides his general grumpiness, he'd given up on trying to quell the talk about Jess and Rory.

"And then he just up and left, and no one knows where he went. Of course, he's done it before, but this time we thought he'd stay. They seemed so in love. Morey's devastated by it. And Rory, poor Rory, I tell you the crying coming out of her room is heartbreaking," Babette was saying to Ray as Miss Patty walked in the diner. Texting Jess she was in position, Patty sat at Babette's table, next to Ray.

"Do you think she believed he'd stay? Really? He hated this town. Sometimes I think he even hated poor Luke over there. There was something off about the boy from the beginning. I prefer to believe Rory is crying for all the time she's wasted on the delinquent. And who might you be handsome stranger?" Miss Patty asked Ray as the diner phone rang, and Luke threw down his towel to answer.

"Luke's"

"Scan the diner, the man with Patty is dangerous to Rory. Do not say my name. Listen. Patty has a picture, so you don't need to stare. Look disgusted at her fawning and turn away. You have to protect Rory whenever he's in town, make sure she's never alone with him. I want you to repeat everything I say, in an angry voice, and I know you're angry, so it shouldn't be hard. After the words 'he won't ever come back' slam the phone down. Are you ready?

"Yeah, but," Luke said, scanning the diner again, it wasn't hard to look at Patty in disgust as she petted the stranger's bicep. Looking out the windows, Luke tried to see where Jess might be watching from.

"No buts. I did what I had to. And you can't tell anybody about this call. It would put Rory in more danger. No one can know. Hell, maybe, maybe I'd trust the guy who saved Rory before, since he said he knew about my past, but even then I don't know. As long as you can keep an eye on Ray, as long as he doesn't seek Rory out, she'll be fine. And Luke, this is it. It's not safe for me to call again. You, you know how I feel, you're, that I… it doesn't matter. It has to be this way. Here we go. Repeat after me," Jess said as he began to read off the prepared script.

There was something about the diner owner's posture which caught Ray's attention as the two obnoxious women chatted, while feeding him information. Listening in on the call, Ray didn't like what he heard.

"Now listen, Mister," Luke began, letting the anger out. "I'm sorry, Detective," he snarled into the phone. "The little punk isn't here, and if he knows what's good for him, he won't ever come back," Luke finished, slamming the phone down, and storming out the diner's front door.

He knew Jess had to be watching from somewhere, but after pacing back and forth around the town square without seeing him, he headed into the diner and up to the apartment. Jess wasn't there either. Confused, Luke let himself feel relief. It made sense now. He knew Jess must have left for a good reason, but Jess was right. No one could know. If Rory or Lorelai acted differently, the guy downstairs would pick up on it. And Patty had a picture? Patty knew then, she had to. He'd get the information from her later; Luke thought as he wiped his face and headed down the steps.

Ray had been watching the drama unfold with interest, as Babette and Miss Patty discussed how hard this was on poor Luke what with Jess being his nephew and Rory being his step daughter. The discussion soon turned to the phone call and the fact it didn't surprise anyone the police were looking for Jess. Ray said his goodbyes, grateful to escape Miss Patty's clutches, and headed to the bridge to see if Jess was meeting him there.

Miss Patty wandered over to Luke at the counter.

"Is Lorelai home with Rory today?" she asked.

"Yeah, I should go over there."

"No, but maybe Babbette could take some food for the two of them. She certainly has a distinctive voice doesn't she? Maybe she could cheer the girls up a bit. Luke nodded and called Babette over to see if she would take lunch to Lorelai. It was a good idea. The guy wouldn't risk contact with Babbette there.

Ray was pissed after reading the note he found stuck to the bridge. He was determined to find Jess and set him straight. Jess owed him, and you don't turn your back on a debt. No matter how much you want _to live clean_. Living clean? What type of bullshit sentiment was that anyway? Didn't want to _soil his hands with drugs after what they'd done to his mother_? It hadn't bothered Jess before, why should it make a difference now? He had _found religion_. Yeah right, since Jess had never been in the joint, Ray didn't think he should be allowed to think the excuse, let along use it. _Developed a newfound respect for life_. Sounded like something out of a movie. Bullshit. The letter Jess left was bullshit designed to cover up his true purpose, and the worst part? Jess damn well knew Ray was too smart to buy this crap. So why say it? Ray wondered briefly if it could be true. The guy was a writer now. He didn't end up an enforcer, despite the experience. 'Course, Jess was never real comfortable with the violence, it made him a good partner, someone the marks could plead to. No, Jess had a different skill, a more useful one. Jess could make locks sing, and there wasn't a big market for breaking and entering in the legit world. Maybe he had lost his nerve. Didn't matter though. The marker was owed and Ray would collect.

Walking back through town, Ray overheard the gossip mill churn as the news Jess was wanted by the police spread. Going into the diner again, he didn't see Luke downstairs, so he pushed his way past the curtain and up the steps. Pulling his gun out, he had it aimed at Luke as he walked in the door.

"What the hell? Who are you?" Luke asked, freezing in place.

"Where's Jess?" Ray asked, his voice soft and calm. Luke gulped down the saliva flooding his mouth.

"I don't know. He left sometime on Tuesday night, or Wednesday morning. We had to return early from our honeymoon. He didn't say anything. No info at all," Luke said, focused on the gun.

"Who called?"

"What?" Luke asked, not thinking about anything other than what would happen if Lorelai came in for something.

"You talked to someone on the phone about Jess. Who was it?" Ray asked, knowing this guy was freaking out, and if he found his balls, things could go south. Ray knew about Luke, Jess had talked about him when he came back to New York. Said Luke was a legit version of Ray, had codes he lived by. Ray knew Luke had no clue who or what he was currently dealing with. He knew nothing about the life Jess had lived.

"Some detective, I think he said he was from New York. I don't know, he rattled off something about Jess contacting him, but I wasn't paying much attention, I was angry," Luke answered, sweat beading across his forehead. Ray lowered his gun, and pulled a card out of his coat pocket, setting it on the table.

"If Jess calls or shows, you call this number. He's like a son to me. I'm not planning on hurting him, much. But you, and your lady friend. His girl. You three I don't give a fuck about. You I can hurt. You've got a nice thing going here. I'd hate to ruin it. Got it? And don't be stupid. This conversation, it didn't happen."

"Yeah, sure," Luke said, breathing a sigh of relief when the man holstered his weapon and left. Sitting on the old couch, Luke put his head in his hands, shaking. He threatened Lorelai and Rory. Because of Jess, who was like a son to him? Wasn't going to hurt him much? What the hell was Jess messed up in?

Miss Patty watched from her spot leaning against her studio doors as the town car left, waiting a bit to make sure it wasn't circling around, then she texted Jess to let him know Ray was gone.


	8. Chapter 8- Frozen

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eight- Frozen

_Walking down the alley, he saw the garbage can ahead, and ran to it. Taking the lid off, he pulled the can over and crawled part way in, rummaging for scraps. He hit pay dirt when he found a half eaten sandwich. Sitting cross legged in front of the can, he crammed it into his mouth, and swallowed without even chewing. He didn't notice the woman watching from the doorway. Didn't see her look of horror, at the small child who wasn't wearing a jacket on this icy January night. Didn't see the realization dawn on her face. She knew where the four year old lived._

Hanging up the phone after talking to Luke, Jess fell back against the bed, pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He didn't know if he could do this. He had made this choice because he knew he couldn't live the life Ray wanted him to and look into the mirror. Rory had changed him. From the beginning, Rory made him want to be a person she would be proud to know. It was all he had left, everything else was gone. His possibility of happily ever after, hell, his possibility of happy was gone. His home, his friends, his sense of accomplishment. All he had now was himself in the mirror, and she didn't know. Could never know she was right about him. She had to believe he was the person he used to be. The fucked up Jess who ran.

But he couldn't get away from the dream of her. Everywhere he looked, he saw Rory. And the dream was dust. He had turned it into dust. Imagining the disappointment in her eyes, the sadness, he couldn't stomach it. Knowing she was hurting, hurt him, and the farther he traveled from her, the colder he felt. Lying on the bed, he went numb, and when the text came saying Ray had left town, he barely stirred.

After showering the next morning, he checked out of the motel, and using the name on his other I.D. boarded a bus headed west. The guy next to him was going to North Dakota. There was an oil boom there, and jobs available. Introducing himself as Nick, Jess decided North Dakota was as good as place as any to hide. Plus, Ray wouldn't be looking for two guys traveling together. He'd be looking for Jess the loner.

It was cold in North Dakota. Everyone bitched about the cold, except Jess. He didn't notice. For Jess the biting winds, the plummeting temperatures didn't matter. He was already frozen.

Miss Patty sat in the diner, warming her hands on a cup of coffee, listening to Lorelai talk to Luke. Patty didn't know if she could keep it up. Rory was devastated, she wasn't leaving her house, didn't want to get out of bed, and Lorelai had to force her numb, frozen daughter to eat. Patty knew with a few words she could help. Then she'd see a stranger in town, and know she couldn't say anything. It was tougher for Luke. He was newly married and keeping a secret from his wife. A secret which would help Rory come back to herself, thaw. No, Miss Patty thought, if Luke could handle hiding the truth, she could, no matter how cold it made her feel inside. Every Tuesday, she texted Jess, and he always responded. It was part of their deal. Someone had to know where he was in case of an emergency, and he had to be able to list an emergency contact on paperwork. So she knew he was in North Dakota, working in the oilfields, turning a wrench and driving a forklift. And Jess knew the gas company had done some routine pipe checking, then left as quickly as they arrived. Surveillance was in place, Ray was listening.


	9. Chapter 9- Ask For Help

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Nine: Ask For Help

"_Hey there Mariano.? You're a real piece of work. Coming to New York and not looking me up. Man, you look like shit. Where you getting your clothes? Goodwill? Jesus boy, I thought I taught you better," Ray said, while propping me against the wall. He pulled a handkerchief out of his suit coat pocket and held it against my lip to stop the bleeding. "Don't talk, the guys saw what happened, they're taking care of it. They evened the odds for you. Though I got to say, six against one might be unfair fun, but you were holding your own. And you still know how to take a beating. Damn boy, you eat anything this month? Let's get you home to momma. She's missed you, and'll have you fattened up in no time. I've told you before. Ask if you need help," Ray rambled, half carrying me to the waiting car. I'd tried to avoid contact with my old friends. Right now, I couldn't fight it. I was hurt, bleeding and besides, I was too fucking hungry._

"So you're telling me, less than a week after your wedding, where he loved her so much it hurt him to see her shed happy tears, he up and left? It doesn't compute." Paris said to Lorelai over a cup of coffee. Paris had returned from her research trip in China two days ago, and came as soon as the jet lag dissipated. Rory was in her room, sleeping. She was always sleeping. It had been over a month, and all she did was work and sleep. Lorelai sighed into her coffee.

"Yes, he signed the house and his interests in Truncheon over to her and left, again." Lorelai replied. "Just like last time."

"No, it's not. Lorelai, you're blinded by your emotions here, and I can understand how it would happen, but this is different. And I'm telling you, something is wrong. It doesn't make sense. Why would he sign over all his Truncheon interests to her, instead of Truncheon 2?" Paris asked. Lorelai started to answer, but couldn't because Rory was coming out of her room and into the kitchen. For the first time she was coming out on her own. Lorelai had been bullying her to get her to leave her room.

"Keep going Paris," Rory said. Paris looked at her in dismay. No wonder Lorelai was so emotional. Rory was a wreck, a ghostly white, gaunt, hallowed out, dark shadowed wreck. Paris continued with her train of thought.

"Why would he leave his manuscript when he could have taken it to a different publishing house?"

"Before mom's wedding, we talked about having children after traveling together. Why would he think so far ahead if he was going to leave?" Rory asked, plucking at the string of her sweat pants. Paris continued.

"I think he was making sure the house and Truncheon could not be taken from you. Or maybe used against him in some way? He was protecting them for you by giving you control of them," Paris added.

"He, we made love the night he left. He was desperate to touch me, it was as if he was trying to meld with me, disappear into me. The second time, I could feel his love in every kiss, and he was chanting it to me under his breath," Rory said, hesitant, opening up for the first time. Lorelai restrained herself from holding her ears and yelling ewww.

"He gave up the rights to his books to you. He cut himself off from the royalties, giving them to you. He wouldn't do it if he was starting over somewhere. He'd need the money. He's not starting over somewhere." Although a big part of her, a giant humongous part, believed Rory and Paris were totally barking up the wrong tree, Lorelai could see inconsistencies too. Sighing, she spoke.

"Matt and Chris had no clue either. Jess showed up in the evening, had them call the lawyer to meet with him the next day, and used their computer. They think, based on the search history, he created and printed all the legal documents to have them ready for the lawyer. When they asked, he said he was making provisions for Rory in case anything happened to him."

"Doesn't sound like he'd been planning it long. Seems rushed, well thought out, but rushed," Paris said, nodding at Rory.

"Matt, Matt said he almost called you in the middle of the night, because he was pretty sure Jess was crying in his sleep," Lorelai whispered to Rory, who had looked up from the table.

"Doesn't sound like he wanted to leave," Paris said, confident in her deduction.

"I knew something was wrong. The fight, it escalated too fast, and parts were almost a carbon copy of another fight. It seemed, off, even at the time. I thought we'd laugh about it in the morning," said Rory.

"He wouldn't have left Luke in a bind like that either, not unless he had to. He might have moved into the apartment to give you space, but he wouldn't have left the diner unattended. He did the order in advance too," Lorelai added.

"But what do we do? How do we find him?" Rory asked.

"Your Grandpa hired a private investigator, and he couldn't find Jess," Lorelai said. "We know he bought a ticket to New York, and it was used, but the cameras didn't show him getting off the bus."

"Jess is too smart to go to New York, and we don't do anything, we call Tristan," Paris said, getting out her phone. For the first time in weeks, Rory felt hope, she felt alive.

"Yes, ask Tristan for help. Let me know when he can come," Rory said, watching Paris walk into the living room.

"Rory, I'm glad we have… I don't want you to get your hopes up too much. I'm afraid if you do, if this doesn't pan out, or if we're wrong, it will be worse for you." Lorelai said, terrified she was going to lose her daughter again.

"No matter what, I need something. A reason at least," Rory replied. Standing in the doorway, Paris nodded. She understood where Rory was coming from, because she'd feel the same if Doyle disappeared.

"Since he started running his own company, Tristan's easier to reach. He'll be here sometime tomorrow," Paris said.


	10. Chapter 10-Your Boy's In Trouble

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Ten: Your Boy's In Trouble

_Lying in the pool of blood, I knew the wound was bad. He'd driven the knife in deep, twisted and pulled up, only stopping when he hit my ribs. If someone didn't come soon, I could bleed out. Laughing in the face of danger seemed inappropriate this time, plus it hurt like a son of a bitch. "No reckoning made, but sent to my account With all my imperfections on my head." Quoting Shakespeare was probably out of place too. Yeah. I was in serious trouble. I shouldn't have ditched Ray's crew. Getting away from my future as a criminal didn't seem important now, not when I might not have a life ahead anyway. Plus, this was going to piss off Liz._

Rory woke to a light touch on her cheek.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Mary, you look like hell," Tristan said, sitting on the side of her bed. Rory gave him a hug.

"How long have you been waiting to say that?" she asked. Tristan laughed.

"A long time, a very long time. Thought I'd get to use it in Mexico, but you were so angry you were cute. Come on sleepy head. Time to get up. If I can be here this early in the morning, you can get your ass out of bed. Paris went home, but I have her detailed notes, which she emailed me to read while I waited for my plane to board. Damn, but the woman is anal. She even laid out how I should run my search. And I have to admit, she has good instincts. I've already called Matt and Chris, got their take on things, and I had the investigator Richard hired email me his file too," Tristan said as Rory climbed out of bed and gathered clothes.

"Was there anything in there," Rory asked.

"Nah, but I already have a file on Jess. I looked into him after our last heart to heart, went to see him too. Pushed a few buttons. It was fun," Tristan replied with a grin. Rory gave him a half smile.

"I'd forgotten about you visiting Jess. Mom mentioned it after she overheard a conversation between him and Luke. I never talked to him about it. I should have. I'm going to go shower, talk to mom. I'll be out in a bit," Rory said. Tristan watched her go, Paris was right, Rory looked like hell. Tristan's crew had already done a sweep for bugs here and was headed to the inn next, so he sat down with Lorelai, and confirmed the information Paris had given him.

Miss Patty watched with interest as Rory walked through the town for the first time since Jess left. She was subdued, and had lost weight, but she was chatting with the blond man and Lorelai on their way to Lane's. Deciding she needed a better vantage point than the sidewalk, Patty called on one of her friends till the trio left.

Ambling out of the house, Patty joined them on the street, trying to ignore Rory's discomfort.

"And who might your handsome friend be?" she asked, giving him her best come hither look.

"Tristan DuGray, ma'am. We've met before. Rory and I used your studio as a practice place for our ill fated Romeo and Juliet production."

"Oh yes, I remember you now. You had Dean in an absolute tizzy," Miss Patty cooed as they continued their walk to the dinner. "If I remember correctly, you didn't end up playing Romeo. You left suddenly, I believe. What ever have you been doing which keeps you in such wonderful form?"

"We'd love to chat Patty, but Tristan is here on business," Lorelai interrupted as they reached the diner.

"And what do you do?" Miss Patty said, letting her voice go smoky.

"I'm a problem solver," Tristan replied, holding the diner door open for the ladies, and enjoying Patty's wide eyed reaction. She began fanning herself.

"Really? How… enticing," she replied, giving him a saucy look.

"Rory!" Luke said, "It's good to see you, I mean, it's good to see you here," he finished, adjusting his hat.

"Hey Luke, can you take a break, we need to talk to you upstairs," Lorelai asked, leading Rory up the steps. Lorelai hadn't said anything to Luke about their thoughts, Jess was something they didn't discuss. The couple times they had talked about him since the banishment, it was obvious it hurt Luke. She worried what his reaction might be to this new development.

Being back in the diner was proving more difficult than Rory expected. Walking through the town had been fine, no one gawked or whispered. She probably could have gone out weeks ago without everyone making a fuss. The apartment though, this is where it happened. Where she found out she had lost him. When she stopped inside the apartment door, Lorelai looked worried.

"I'm okay. Just fill Luke in, and get what you need. I'm listening," Rory said, leaning against the jam as she watched Tristan walk around with some sort of wand like bug finding device. When the old apartment was declared clean, Lorelai began talking and Luke was stunned, then terrified. He kept picturing the gun being held to Lorelai, or Rory's head. Tristan watched Luke's reaction with interest.

"Even if it's true, it means he had a reason, and what if looking into this ruins everything? I don't even know you. How do I know you aren't part of the problem? We need to drop this," Luke said, pacing back and forth across the apartment.

"Luke, Tristan is the man who led the team to save me in Mexico. And I have to know why Jess left. I can't not know." Rory said.

"Even if it gets you hurt? Or your mom? Or Jess? Is knowing worth the risk? If he left to keep you safe? Jess would say no. You know he would say no," Luke said. Tristan interrupted.

"Lorelai, take Mary home, I'll finish here," he said, meeting Luke's eyes. Once the door to the apartment closed, Tristan continued.

"I met Jess once, to find out if he loved Rory. I researched him to see if he was worthy of her. Your boy's in trouble and I know more about his past than you do. I know who's looking for him, and based on my sources, I think I know why. I may be able to help; at the very least I can give Rory answers without her attracting attention, which we both want to avoid. I also know you have information, I can see it in your eyes." Luke thought about it. This is the guy who called Rory Mary. Who had helped her in the past. Looked out for her. Saved her in Mexico. On the phone, Jess said he might trust this guy, maybe. Well, Luke was going to do it. He was going to trust him. Rory was adamant she needed answers, and Jess had to be hurting too. Maybe this guy could help.

"Yeah, he called me, once," Luke said as he began filling Tristan in on the call and the visit from Ray.

"Did you ever question Miss Patty?" Tristan asked.

"Yeah, she said Jess pointed the guy out to her, and told her to sit with him on Friday. Said if he was in town again to let me know. That was it, but Jess had to be there, because she walked in, sat down and the phone rang," Luke added.

"No, Jess was long gone. I think I need to talk to Patty," Tristan sighed.

"I'm sorry," Luke said, smirking. Wishing he hadn't peaked her interest with the problem solver comment, Tristan went downstairs.


	11. Chapter 11- Busted

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eleven: Busted

_Tearing down the steps, I jumped the turnstile and ran. Leaping into the car right before the door closed, I sat down and grabbed the newspaper off the seat next to me, opening it in front of my face. In the window's reflection, I could see the police looking up and down the platform as the subway took off. Smirking to myself, I glanced to my left. Busted. The old woman shook her head. She knew. She couldn't know about the stolen billfold in my coat pocket, but she knew I'd done something. I could see it in her eyes, and I felt soiled._

When Tristan sat down next to her, Miss Patty gave him the same story she'd given Luke, but she could tell Tristan wasn't buying it. Although she was sure her acting was top notch, his gunfighter blue eyes saw right through her.

"Just to clarify, what were Jess's exact words when he pointed the man out to you?" Tristan asked. This was the third go around of questions with Patty, and although he knew she was lying, he hadn't been able to trip her up.

"Darling, if you want my company so badly, why don't we take this back to my place? Get a little more comfortable?" Miss Patty drawled, running her fingers down Tristan's arm. Tristan narrowed his eyes, and was never so glad to hear his cell ring.

"Saved by the bell, Miss Patty. Luke? Can I take this upstairs?" Tristan asked, and at Luke's nod, headed up the steps to take the call. Miss Patty took the opportunity to escape the diner. Standing in the alley, she debated what to do. She knew Jess was still in North Dakota, but she didn't know his schedule. Texting him something was going on, she hoped he'd call, and was surprised when her phone rang within seconds of pressing send.

"Tell me," Jess said, as he put his wrench down, terrified something bad had happened. Struck by how hollow he sounded, it took Miss Patty a second to respond.

"There's a man here, his name is Tristan, friends with Rory. He's asking questions."

"What does he look like?" Jess asked. Tristan had cut his call short, knowing Miss Patty would bolt, and was searching for her, when he heard her voice. He loved it when he was right. Stepping into the alley, he leaned against the wall and listened to his description being given. When she saw him, Miss Patty stopped talking.

"Tell him I know Mary, and met him last year. Tell him I know who's after him. Tell him I can help," Tristan said and Miss Patty repeated his words. She listened for a second and handed Tristan her phone.

"You have to trust someone," Tristan said. Jess didn't say a word, so Tristan continued.

"When I researched you before, I found out about Ray. He's looking for you, concentrating in New York, but I'm pretty sure I can get him off your back. This is how I make my living. I need a little time to pull some strings together. I also need to be able to tell Rory something. Anything. Today was the first time she's walked around town."

"He threatened her," Jess said.

"Luke told me Ray threatened him and Lorelai too. Held a gun on him. We have to find a solution. They can't live in fear all their lives. Can you give me time? Are you sure you're safe?" Tristan asked.

"I've got nothing but time," Jess said before hanging up. Tristan helped himself to the number on the screen before handing Patty her phone. He had a feeling Jess would move again, and he needed to act fast. Nodding to Patty, he walked away. Calling his office, Tristan gave them Jess's number to track, picked up Luke and headed to Rory's house. He was counting on Jess to wait for Patty to call back. He was counting on Patty's personality to make the call. He hoped he was right, if Jess turned the phone off too soon, they wouldn't be able to find it. Then he'd have to force Miss Patty to talk. Something told him he wouldn't like the price. By the time Tristan answered his phone again, and gave his assistant instructions to arrange local surveillance and the fastest flight out, Luke, Lorelai and Rory were sitting on the couch waiting. Crouching down in front of Rory, he took her hands in his and stared until she met his eyes.

"I'm going to tell you the truth, no holding back. He's in danger, and by being near you, he puts you in danger. You need to know, Jess made the right move and may never be able to come home. I'm going to do what I can, but you have to understand there may not be a solution where he can be with you," Tristan dropped her hands and she began to shake, she was holding it together better than he thought she would. Speaking to the three of them, he continued.

"Because of the threats, I'm bringing in protection for you till this is resolved. It shouldn't take long. There will be a team of six here, two on each of you. I pay these people well, and I'd trust them with my life. But they'll be watching each other too, because, well, I don't want to find out after the fact I was wrong, and the people Jess is running from have connections and money."

"No, we don't need outsiders, the town will protect us," Lorelai said.

"Lorelai, this is a bad man with a slew of backing, and crews under him. Your town can not protect you from him, or his friends. With one call, your houses, inn, Truncheon 2 and the diner could be blown sky high. These men wouldn't even wait till the buildings were empty. Don't make the sacrifice Jess made meaningless," Tristan replied. "I have to go," he added, waiting a second to see if Rory was going to say anything. She didn't, and he closed the door behind him.

**A/N- Thank you for your reviews!**


	12. Chapter 12- Pulled From The Depths

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Twelve: Pulled From the Depths

_The blue sucked him down. It would happen again when he was seventeen, but then it would be warm, inviting. At twelve, it was so cold it burned, it burned his lungs, his nose, his eyes. He wondered, as his clothes dragged him under, if the opposite was true. Could you get water so hot it felt cold? Thoughts were fleeting, and unorganized. This water was thickened with shards of glass. No, not real glass, he knew it wasn't, just like he knew his legs and arms refusing to move was a bad sign. No, it was filled with ice crystals. The river he was dying in was freezing over. His body might not be found for months._

Angry at himself for finishing his ten hour shift when he was going to lose a week's worth of pay anyway, Jess collected his check, cashed it out, and walked out the door. He threw his phone into the company dumpster, jumped on the shuttle and waited. He was always waiting. Waiting and planning, and it was time to plan again. A little sooner than he wanted. He figured he had another month or so before the social security number he gave on his paperwork came back as wrong, and the pay here was incredible because of the shortage of workers. Now he needed to decide where to go, plan A or plan B. Did he run and hide, hoping Ray would leave them alone? Or, did he give up and arrange a meet with Ray?

Ray had threatened Luke and Lorelai along with Rory. The question was- did it change anything? Would Ray be content with trying to track him down, keeping an eye on Stars Hollow in case he came back? Or would Ray turn more proactive. He didn't think Ray would. Ray wanted him in the organization. Ray said the books were open, which meant he could be made. Welcomed into the family, although he wasn't so sure. His mom wasn't a full Italian. Three of his four grandparents were, and all but one of his great-grandparents, but he didn't know if it was enough. When he was a kid and talked about it, Ray thought it was enough, and Ray would put him forward. But on the other hand, he didn't want the life. It's why he didn't go back when he left Stars Hollow, why he fought against it till the starvation took over on his return to New York. Why he moved to Philly before he got in too deep.

But, he owed Ray his life, and he'd do it to keep Rory safe. He hated this. He hated feeling out of control, like his choices weren't his own. He hated to be pushed. As the shuttle pulled up to the rows of trailers in the man camp, Jess wished he hadn't thrown his phone away. He was curious about Tristan. He'd agreed to give Tristan time, but in his heart he knew, there was probably only one choice. Eventually, he'd get tired of being on the run.

Walking into the trailer he shared with seven other roughnecks, Jess grabbed his duffle and began to pack. He rolled his clothes up tight and finished running a load of laundry. He took the time to secure his extra money and real I.D. to a variety of hiding spots. The one good thing about living in North Dakota for a month was he renewed his fake I.D., so he could be Nick Barnes for another four years if he chose. Grabbing his notebooks, he stuck them in the lining of his coat, bundled up and left. Walking to the truck stop, he decided he'd go where ever the first trucker who said yes to giving him a lift was going, but he wasn't surprised to see the blond guy waiting for him. He knew he should have left work as soon as he hung up the phone.

Moving away from the light pole he was leaning on, Tristan motioned Jess over to his rental car.

"All packed? That'll save us time. Get in," Tristan said as Jess hesitated.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because Rory's a friend," Tristan replied. "Get in, we need to talk. I have a hotel room booked in Dickinson. The ones here in Williston are ridiculously priced, and although money isn't an issue, I'm not paying eight hundred dollars for a room which used to be thirty-nine. If I didn't think you'd freak at the idea of a five hour car ride, we'd head to Spearfish in South Dakota. It's a nice town with restaurants and shopping."

"Spearfish's fine, we can get there in time for breakfast. You know I only have two options right? And neither one involves going back to Stars Hollow," Jess said, five hours down the road was five hours down the road.

"I warned Rory already. But you're wrong. There might be a third option. I'm waiting to hear back on a possibility. It depends. Is it easy to get over Rory if you really love her?"

"No, no matter what, I've always loved her. Dean loved her, and Logan probably does too," Jess replied.

"I'm also assuming the only thing you care about is keeping Rory safe. You might as well sleep, we won't know anything till tomorrow," Tristan said. Jess nodded, but chose to pull out his notebook instead. Picking up his pen and a booklight, he continued from where he had left off the evening before. He might not be able to use the laptop Rory had given him since he left it in Stars Hollow, but he could write about his childhood the way she wanted. He'd been skipping around, avoiding the hardest stuff, and since Ray was foremost in his mind, he'd been concentrating on those years.

Jess knew very little about Tristan, and the longer he sat skimming the passages he'd written, adding here and there, the more it began to bother him. It bothered him in Philly when the guy was egging him on. After two hours of silence, he cracked.

"So, who the hell are you? And don't give me the 'I'm Mary's friend' crap like you did in Philly. Let's start with why do you call Rory Mary?" Jess asked. Tristan chuckled.

"I wondered when you'd get curious. I thought I'd have to give you my life history before you got in the car. I expected you to be less trusting."

"Yeah, desperate times and all," Jess replied.

"No, I'm not buying it. You're the 'hunker down, close off, lone wolf it' type. This is out of character for you," Tristan said, glancing over at Jess. Jess played with his pen, tapping it against the notebook.

"You're right, although for the last couple of years, I've been changing. Trusting isn't easy for me, and I don't trust you with me. From what I know, I trust you with Rory," Jess said.

"What do you know?" Jess gathered his thoughts before answering Tristan's question.

"Rory told me she considered you a best friend, and I had to accept you being part of her life. When I asked what made you special, she said you understood the shit she went through overseas. You helped her through her guilt. You were Johnny on the spot in Mexico, saving her from the cartel. For whatever reason you call her Mary, Lorelai said it was 'as in the virgin', which means you've somehow kept your relationship innocent. You cared enough about her to research me and seek me out in Truncheon. Although, why you approved with what you knew, I don't know. And you pissed off Dean and called him Bagboy."

"I really liked pushing his buttons. He was so," Tristan trailed off.

"Tall?" Jess suggested.

"Yes! Exactly, he was freakishly tall. It was annoying," Tristan said, laughing. "Seriously, Rory makes you want to be better by being herself. She's helped me a couple of times without even knowing it. I'd been kicked out of every private school on the East coast and some overseas. Rory wouldn't give me the time of day. I tried and failed to win her over and over. She did kiss me once, when she and Dean were split up for a while and she felt sorry for me, but I knew what it was. I kept messing up, and the night of the Romeo and Juliet production, my parents shipped me off to military school. I got to say goodbye to her, and there was a moment. Not an 'I love you' moment, but a 'you could be so much more' one. The look in her eyes haunted me, so I tried. Got my act together," Tristan said.

"Why didn't you warn me away from her in Truncheon?" Jess asked.

"Because of what you had accomplished, because of what you were doing. Plus you kept it separate from her. From everyone. If you had done anything illegal in Philly, I would have beaten you to a pulp for thinking her name. You were two different people and it was obvious who you wanted to be."

"Yeah, sounds about right," Jess replied. "How did you know I hadn't just left?"

"Well, you fooled Lorelai and Luke completely to begin with; by the way, you've been exiled. And Luke didn't tell them about your phone call or Ray's visit. Apparently, yesterday Paris was questioning Lorelai about inconsistencies in your actions and Rory came out of her room, joining in on the conversation. They talked. Paris called me. I arrived in Stars Hollow this morning. Of course, I already knew about your past, which gave me an idea, and the pieces fell together quickly. Once I had your number, I pinged your phone."

"I knew it was a mistake to talk to Patty a second time. How much danger are they in?" Jess asked.

"I don't think they are, at this point, but I've sent a team of six to keep an eye on them," Tristan said.

"Won't they be conspicuous in Stars Hollow?"

"Nah, I only hire the best. Truncheon 2 has a new agent to fill in for Rory while she gets into the swing of things as editor. I insisted Rory move back into your house, and she now has a companion/maid to help see her through this troubling time. The diner has a new busboy, the inn has a new housekeeper, and the house on the other side of Lorelai is being rented by a married couple who love to enjoy the small town life and will spend a good portion of their time wandering Stars Hollow's streets and gardening. Plus I have people in New York keeping an eye on Ray," Tristan replied.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, you know, some people never did believe your leaving was real. Oddly enough, both Richard and Emily thought there had to be something going on. Richard hired a detective to look for you, and apparently Emily and Lorelai had a knock down drag out fight with Emily on your side. Matt and Chris also knew something had to be up."

"Huh," Jess replied, not sure how to take the Emily information. Richard he could almost get. They had a formed a friendship, and bonded over books and their love of Rory. Emily though?

"So tell me, how did you hook up with Ray anyway?" Tristan asked. Jess wasn't surprised by the question. For many reasons, the night he met Ray had been a secret only he and Ray shared. He was writing about it, so telling Tristan wasn't a big deal.

"I was twelve, and small for my age. Some older guys were giving me a hard time, and when I got lippy with them, they asked if I could swim. I lied and said I could. They tossed me in the river, and I tried stay afloat till I heard them walk away. I didn't take into account the fact it was January and freezing. I cramped up before I could get to shore, went under, and came to on the deck of a boat. There was a guy in a wet suit pressing on my chest. A head and hands next to me. I thought I was dead until I threw up the river water onto the head. It was unreal. Ray laughed, and I glared at him. I guess I told him I'd had a really bad day, and no one was going to give me anymore shit. He laughed again, gave me a blanket, which was covered in blood, and started the boat. We went out to sea and he tossed the head in one place, and the hands in another. By that point, besides being wet and covered in some dead guy's blood, I was sick. He took me to his mother. I stayed with them for a week, and by the time I went back to Liz's, I knew it wasn't home anymore. Ray was twenty-two, already working his way up, and liked my attitude. I started hanging with him," Jess said.

"At twelve? What did you do?"

"I'd always been good with locks. Liz couldn't hold onto a set of keys to save her life, and I had to learn early how to get inside whatever dive we were living in at the time. I opened doors for his crew. Houses, apartments, businesses, cars and trucks, it didn't matter. They taught me how to start cars too. I knew I didn't want the life, no matter what the rest of the guys said, but I was in pretty deep. I picked pockets to earn extra money on the side. Back then, Ray called me Dodger, which is why it threw me the first time Rory did, when I was sent to Stars Hollow," Jess said.

"And when you went back to New York after California?" Tristan prodded. Knowing there was more to the story.

"Yeah, I worked as a messenger, trying to stay legit. I even tried to get Rory to run away with me, in a less than stellar moment, but she said no. Ray found me. I quit the job, and started working with him because I was starving. He was training me to fill his shoes. He called me Messy Mariano, because I was always neat and quiet, but I'd been covered in river scum when we first met and blood when he found me again in New York. He'd threaten, and pound on people. I'd stand there and look at them without saying a word. They'd plead to me, and if I turned away, they broke. It was like they could see there was nothing there. Nothing left inside my eyes," Jess replied.

"How'd you get out?"

"There was this guy who hated us. He wanted Ray's spot, and when Ray got sent up on some charge the guy made it plain, with Ray gone, there wasn't room for me on the crew. I stopped by county, told Ray I was leaving and why. Told him I wasn't happy, and hadn't been for a while. I wanted to go straight. He let me leave on the condition if he needed me I had to come back," Jess replied. "Ray's old fashioned. He follows a code. Yeah, it's screwed up because he's a stone cold killer, but he wouldn't betray a friend. He fished me out of the water while he was securing a body, and kept me alive."

"Would he kill you now?" Tristan asked.

"He said he'd hate to, but he would. So yeah. I'll have to do some fast talking to stay alive, but what does it matter?" Jess said closing his eyes and tipping his head back against the rest. Tristan knew the conversation was over.

**_A/N- So Tristan, I've always chosen to believe Tristan was changed by military school. I think being away from his parents, coupled with the structure would be a good thing for him. But, since he was intelligent, I could also see him forging past it, taking the life a step further into doing his own thing. Having a brief career then going the independent contractor route before opening shop. So in my head, he's running a company which handles everything from security to hostage negotiation. I do plan on writing the finding Ray's daughter story featuring him at some point, but I have a feeling it will involve research._**


	13. Chapter 13- The Players

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Thirteen: The Players

_I could hear voices as I fought to open my eyes. She was leaning over me, spun black hair piled high, falling down around her face, huge brown eyes surrounded by too much makeup on a pale face._

"_Are you a Brooklyn angel?" I asked. Her high pitched laugh hurt my ears, and I closed my eyes. _

"_Oh he's smooth, a real player. I like this one," she said. Another voice broke into my dreams._

"_Don't get too attached momma, I might have to throw him back."_

"_Fish…I love you and respect you very much. But I will kill you dead before this day ends."I said, through my fever._

"_He's delusional," she said to her son._

"_No, No momma. He's quoting Hemmingway. The little shit's quoting Hemmingway. Maybe we will keep him," and I was reborn into a new world. A world with its own rules, a violent world which was safer than the one I left behind._

A week. It took a week for Tristan's strings to come together. Jess spent his time writing, sometimes in the hotel, sometimes in one of Spearfish's many parks. He couldn't help thinking this town would be beautiful in the summer. Surrounded by peaks in the Black Hills, there was a bike path running along a tree lined creek which linked the parks like beads on a necklace. It was winter, but it had been in the high forties during the day with no humidity to chill your lungs. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, Jess was writing, and Tristan was on the phone again. Hanging up, Tristan sat down next to Jess on the bench.

"Everything's in place and I told them I was with you. Rory won't come to the phone. Apparently she's moved past hurt and fear to anger. I'm sorry Jess," Tristan said. Jess paused in his writing, but didn't look up.

"I don't expect her to talk to me. I hope she'll forgive me for putting her mom and Luke in danger, but I know she might not. She has to process everything, and it's not over, so she can't take a breath yet, she's waiting," Jess said. Tristan shook his head. Only part of Jess's reasoning was true, but Jess would have to deal with it later. Providing it worked out.

"Let's go, we have a plane to catch and a meeting to attend." Sighing, Jess gathered his notebook and followed Tristan back to the rental car. A car ride and two planes later, Jess was in New York. He wasn't happy to be there.

Sitting in the car on the way to the meet, Jess expected Tristan to brief him, at least to tell him who he'd be meeting. When he asked, he was surprised by the answer. And it worried him.

"You're going in blind. It's one of the conditions. There are more conditions, depending on what happens in the room, and I can't tell you those either. Also, I will deliver you to the door, but I won't be in the room with you," Tristan said.

"Does this worry you?" Jess asked.

"Yeah, it does. Of course it does. I'm the one who has to tell Rory how this ends. Whether you're dead, on the run, a lifelong criminal or coming home. Add to it, I've become fond of your sarcasm, and of course I'm worried I'm delivering you to your death," Tristan said.

"That's cheery."

"I like to know the outcome before walking into a situation like this. There's too many power players here, too many favors asked. Hell, I'll owe a favor for this one, and I never take that step. Ever," Tristan sighed. Jess smirked.

"The things we'll do for Rory. Any advice?"

"You have to take control. Be honest, be firm. Demand total amnesty for you and Stars Hollow. Hell, you better throw in the Harford Gilmores too. Be appreciative, but not fawning. State your desires clearly and without embellishment. If Ray is there, and I'm guessing he will be, treat him with respect. Follow the codes they live by, and for God's sake, don't give them reason to kill you. Try to control your mouth and tendency to smirk," Tristan said as he led Jess in through the back door of a restaurant. A look around, and Jess knew who this meeting was with, a cold chill snaked down his spine. He'd delivered the take here.

"Jesus, Tristan. This could be bad. If I don't come out, give Rory a message for me. Tell her she made the world of books real for me, and I loved her." Tristan nodded his agreement. He knew how easy this could go south.

Tristan and Jess were patted down by two of the biggest guys Jess had ever seen before Tristan was led to a booth, and Jess was escorted through a door marked private. Standing at the back of the room, waiting for the man behind the desk to decide to give him his attention, Jess fought to keep calm. Relaxed. Ray was sitting in a chair to the side reading one of Jess's books. Jess wanted to ask him what he thought, but decided he shouldn't speak till spoken to. The longer he waited though, the more nervous and tense he became, and Ray kept flipping pages. Fighting the urge to check his watch, he couldn't contain his sigh. The man behind the desk, the declared head of the New York crime families, looked up at Jess with a smile. Jess flashed to an image of Emily Gilmore before a verbal attack. It was the same damn scary smile.

"Are we boring you?"

"No sir. Absolutely not," Jess replied, meeting his eyes across the desk. Ray snickered.

"Then why the attitude? Ray tells me you have a history of attitude issues. It's one of the reasons he likes you. I don't know you well enough for it to be a plus."

"Ray's the problem. He's reading my last book, and I'm fighting the urge to ask him what he thinks, it makes me nervous when people read my work in front of me," Jess said, smirking and shaking his head. Realizing he had already disregarded Tristan's words of advice, he let out a little laugh. "Oh hell, Ray, is it the first one you've read? What do you think?"

"You care about my opinion?" Ray asked, putting the book down on the boss's desk, and standing.

"Yeah. I always have. No matter what, your opinion of me and what I do has always mattered. You saved my life. You took me in, and gave me a chance. I could get real sappy here and tell you I considered you like a father, but I don't know if it's true. Older brother would be more accurate. I wanted to be you for so long, and then, I didn't. I wanted to be me," Jess said, shrugging his shoulders. "So the book?" he asked. Ray glanced over at the boss who raised an eyebrow. Ray took it as permission.

"Jess, you know I'm not much of a reader," Ray began.

"You were my book supplier for years," Jess interrupted and Ray laughed.

"I've been reading them since you disappeared. They're good. Better than good, and like nothing I've read before. You have your own style, but I can see you in them. The first one, The Subsect, it's different from the others, less commercial. Knowing you, it almost hurt to read that book. The pain. What caused all the pain? I have a theory on it. Do you want to hear?" Ray asked. Jess nodded, bleak. He had an idea of what was coming.

"Losing the girl. It's always about a girl, and it's a recurring theme in your books, no matter what they're about. Losing her, waiting, hoping, and since you dedicated your last book to Rory, I'm thinking she's the one. Let's talk about the bullshit letter you left me now," Ray said, anger building. The boss waited, content to sit and listen.

"You're right. I met her when I moved to Stars Hollow, and have loved her since I was seventeen. The letter wasn't bullshit. She is my religion. It's because of her I have a respect for life. It's because of her, that even if I'm not with her, I can't live your way. Even if I can never see her again, I can't be a part of your organization. Because no matter how much I respect you, I need to be the person she believed in. I need to be the person she saw when I look in the mirror," Jess said. "I want you to leave her, her relatives and her town alone." The boss chuckled at the demands as he watched the interaction between Ray and Jess. He already knew how his end was going to play out. He was happy to grant the favor. But he had wanted to see this boy in action. See what all the fuss was about, and he didn't want to upset Ray. It was important to keep Ray happy, because Ray kept him happy.

"Ray was right about you. It's a shame you're so adamant. An intelligent guy like you could do well in the family. No matter. I've been asked to wash my hands of any interest in Mariano. No repercussions, no payback," the boss said. Ray looked at him in dismay.

"You've been asked? Who would ask you something like this? I mean, I want, wanted Jess but it's a small thing. Not worth your time," Ray said. The boss shrugged his shoulders.

"Mariano here has powerful friends who were willing to bargain for his soul," the boss laughed, "and I never thought I'd get to say those words. Bargain for his soul. Makes my day. And I'm happy to grant this favor, but he's your Associate, do you agree?" he asked Ray.

"Yeah, of course. If you want him free, I want him free. You're clear, Jess. Your life, it's your own, as far as I'm concerned. You have my word," Ray said. Jess moved to Ray, and shook his hand.

"Ray, when you read my books, you know you're always in them right? Sam, Joe, Sal… They're you. I've missed you," Jess said, sincere.

"Thanks kid. I've missed you too, you know. You've done good. You might be a sappy chump, but you've done good."

"Give him back to DuGray the boss said, dismissing both of them. Ray walked him out, and they sat in the booth with Tristan.

"He was in a good mood, your friends must have brokered a plum deal. Now for you," Ray said, handing Tristan a folder. "Here's everything I know about her mother."

"If I can find her for you, do you want me to arrange a meeting?" Tristan asked. Ray stared through Jess, lost in thought.

"What are we talking about here? Is the favor you owe to Ray?" Jess asked Tristan. Ray answered.

"Somewhere, I have a daughter. I want Tristan to find her for me. Whether we arrange a meeting or not will depend on what you find. If she's doing well, is content, then no. I'll just watch over her. If she needs help, then we'll see," Ray said.

"You have a daughter?" Jess was surprised. Ray gave Jess his first condoms at his first mention of a cute girl in class. He was thirteen at the time.

"Yeah, on her deathbed, an ex girlfriend wrote me a letter. She put the kid up for adoption. We were fifteen at the time. My daughter would be about twenty-one now."

"What is it with my father figures having unknown kids?" Jess asked. Tristan laughed.

"You don't have any. I would have found them when I looked into your background. I'll see what I can find on your daughter, Ray. It shouldn't take me too long. Thank you for agreeing to meet, and not killing Jess. I know it can be tempting."

"From what I've heard, Rory's mom will take care of it for me anyway," Ray replied, smirking. Tristan was struck by the resemblance between Jess and Ray's smirks.

"You may be right, but I'm guessing there'll be a line, and Rory may be at the front of it. We'd better go, he has more hoops to jump through," Tristan said, saying goodbye to Ray.

"What's this about hoops?" Jess asked, as they made their way through the kitchen.

"You have two people to meet with now. You'll meet with both Mitchum and Logan Huntzberger and then Logan wants a word."

"Shit. Mitchum asked the boss of bosses a favor. For me? There is no good which can come of this. What could he possibly gain? Rory? At what price?" Jess said, blocking the kitchen exit.

"Mitchum gained Logan. Logan went to his father and asked Mitchum to do this, and the price for Logan was he had to agree to go to work for his father. No matter what you think of him, he cares about Rory, and he sold himself to his dad to help you," Tristan said.

"So what are the possible outcomes here? I know you've already thought of them," Jess said, resting his head on the door, and closing his eyes. Trying hard not to think this through to the obvious conclusion.

"Well, as I see it, the price you pay may be agreeing to never have any contact with Rory again, in which case, we'll get you set up somewhere in Europe, and you can still write and work. You owe the Huntzbergers your freedom from organized crime," Tristan said, opening the door, forcing Jess away from it. Jess followed him to the waiting limo.

"I take it everything went well?" Mitchum said, offering Jess a scotch, Jess politely declined with a shake of his head.

"Thank you for your intercession," Jess replied. "I realize it's not easy to owe him."

"Oh, I don't owe him," Mitchum said with his trademark cockiness. "He and I are starting clean. This merely evened things out between us, and he'll owe me again soon enough. It would be difficult for him to run his organization if my reporters followed every story they came across. Besides, the benefits outweighed any negative consequences. I don't like you. I think you're a smug son of a bitch, and the stunt you pulled at Emily's Christmas party really pissed me off. But I like Rory, she gave me hell once. There aren't many with the guts to do it. Say hello to her for me, and remind her there's always a job at one of my papers if she gets bored with small town life," Mitchum said as he opened the door, dismissing Jess and Tristan. "Logan, I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early in my, excuse me, your new office."

Logan, Tristan and Jess moved from one limo to another, and taking seats again, Jess knew this was where he'd find out the price for freedom. Logan said nothing; he stared down into his scotch glass as if the future was written there. Jess thought maybe it was. Tristan cleared his throat urging someone to speak. After a minute, Jess took the bait.

"Rory told me, years ago, how hard you were fighting to get away from your father's life. How much it meant to you to make your own way. And I know, better than anyone, how successful you were on your own. Why? Why did you do this for me?" Jess asked.

"I didn't do it for you. I did it for Ace. After Tristan called me, I talked to Paris. She told me how destroyed Rory was, how devastated. A month of you gone and she was the walking dead, she might have been working, but she was still wallowing, after a month. The idea of her in so much pain was unthinkable, and I could do something about it. I know you left to keep her safe, but you caused her pain," Logan said.

"I made the only choice I could at the time. What do I need to do to repay you?" Jess asked, weary.

"Answer me this, if our positions were reversed, would you have done the same? Would you have given yourself over to Ray?" Logan asked. Jess didn't even have to think about it.

"Yes, because it's Rory. Nothing else matters to me. When she came to Philly and said she loved you, it didn't matter, I would have done anything for her. Her loving you then didn't change how I felt about her. I'd do whatever I needed so she could be happy," Jess replied. Logan nodded and looked back into his glass.

"I lost my chance with her, and I made so many mistakes. Tried to force her to fit instead of meshing our lives together. I've moved on, I have a great life, a wonderful wife and child who I love. My business in California is doing well. In a small part because of you and your books. Plus, I was ready to work for my dad. I proved I could be on my own, so why not run the largest media conglomerate in the world? My wife wants the family mansion, wants to redecorate. No, he thought he had me where he wanted me, but I was playing him. Plus, saving you is good business. Like it or not, we're tied together. So your price isn't high. It's not what you're scared I'm going to ask. Just take care of her. Come clean with her about your past, all of it, and make her happy," Logan said, and Jess nodded his agreement, surprised.

**A/N- Logan's story, (spanning How Did I Get Here through this point) is contained in To Make A Man. It details the growth he goes through to reach this point of being able to help Jess to help Rory. It also explains their business relationship and contains the missing conversations from A Very Merry Gilmore Christmas.**


	14. Chapter 14- Fairy Tales

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Fourteen: Fairy Tales

"_Sweetie, you have to understand. Your mom can't take care of you right now. She has to learn how to take care of herself first. We're going to get her the help she needs. Teach her how to be the best mom possible. And she's going to do it. I promise. Then the two of you will live happily ever after," she said to the boy. He understood what she was saying, but she didn't know. She didn't know fairy tales weren't real. _

"Why are we at your apartment?" Jess asked Tristan after the meetings.

"We have to wait again, and I'd rather do it here, in my own place, than in a Hartford hotel," Tristan replied.

"Huh," Jess said. He knew Tristan would spill soon enough, besides, his stomach was in a hard knot at the thought of returning to Stars Hollow. It had been almost two months.

"Do you remember me saying you'd been exiled?"

"Yeah, so Taylor got his way, and I can't be in Stars Hollow?"

"No, Luke. Luke called an emergency town meeting the night he returned from his honeymoon, and he exiled you. Taylor did try to make a law, but Miss Patty kept it from being ratified. I guess she acted all Constitutionalist. Developed a real attitude to protect your interests," Tristan said. Jess set his duffle down.

"So this is home sweet home?"

"Just for two weeks, till the next town meeting. I can get you in, but you'll have to plead your case. Luke regrets it now, the next day is when Ray showed up, and he found out the truth, but it was too late."

"It's never over, is it? The hurdles are getting taller. I may not make it over the last one. I know that, I just need to get to it," Jess said. "Where do I sleep?" Tristan showed Jess his room, and hoped Miss Patty would be able to talk Taylor into holding a special meeting. If anything, Jess was acting more defeated as time went on.

The next morning, Luke buzzed to be let up. Striding into Tristan's kitchen, he pulled Jess up from his chair and into a bear hug.

"Luke, breathing, hard," Jess choked out.

"After you called, and I knew you were on the run from something, I worried. I didn't tell anyone you called, and I didn't know about Patty, so I had to deal with the worry by myself," Luke said, holding onto Jess's forearms.

"I know, it was a bad position to put you in, but you needed to know about Ray." Luke let go of Jess's arms and began pacing. Jess knew Luke was going to let him have it.

"You have no idea! I'd just gotten married, Jess. I had to cut my honeymoon short because Rory was hysterical. We couldn't make any sense of what she was telling us. Lorelai called Lane and found out you had vanished. Leaving the diner unattended. Not totally unattended. Kirk was running it. Caesar called Lane when you didn't show, and by the time she arranged a sitter and got there, Kirk was taking orders and running the register! Kirk! Working in my diner. And Rory, I love her like my daughter, and I'm married to her mother. I couldn't tell either one of them what I knew, because of the danger, and they were hurting. Rory because of you, and Lorelai because of Rory. With one sentence I could have made it better for both of them and I couldn't," Luke stopped yelling. "I had to watch, Jess. I had to watch them in pain for two months. And I had to worry the guy was going to put a gun to their heads."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I fucked up when I was too young and stupid to know better. I'm sorry my life affected yours. I tried so hard to keep my two lives separate. To keep any of this from happening. I can't change it," Jess said, sitting down in his chair.

"Is it over? Are you really sure it's over?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. Ray and I shook on it in front of the boss of the New York crime families last night. It can't change my past, but I'm free of obligation. How's Rory doing?" Jess asked. Luke fiddled with the zipper on his jacket.

"When Tristan called and said the mess was over, she started crying again. She's relieved you're safe ,I think, but she's been withdrawn this last week, and wouldn't come today. She said she couldn't yet."

"Yeah. There's the town meeting to get through. Who knows if I'll be allowed in Stars Hollow," Jess said. Luke sat down at the table and helped himself to the food Tristan was cooking.

"Sorry about that. I should have held my temper," Luke said.

"No, it was the reaction I was hoping for, Ray bought it. It helped keep you safe," Jess replied.

Not quite two weeks after Luke's visit, Jess found himself sitting in front of a packed town meeting. Luke, Lorelai, Richard and Emily were there, along with Paris and Liz. Matt and Chris showed, even though their visit to Tristan's hadn't gone well. They were understandably pissed at him for not telling them about his past and for bailing on Truncheon. Nothing had been worked out yet. Like everyone else, they were waiting to see what Rory would do. Rory was not in the building. Closing his eyes against the pain, Jess steadied his breathing and listened to the Taylor call the first witness. Townsperson after townsperson spoke about the pain Rory felt when he left. Babette talked of working in her garden and hearing her crying. How she didn't go to the diner for a month. How the light was gone from her eyes. Head in his hands, he waited for his chance to speak. He was on trial, and it wasn't going well. All of his old sins against Rory were brought into the light again, from stealing, to saying "I love you" and running. It was all mentioned. When the townspeople were done raking him over the coals, Tristan took the floor.

"You've seen me around town; you know what I've been doing. How I've been helping. I have witnesses of my own to call forward. Matt? Please tell everyone what you saw the night before Jess met with the lawyer to make provisions for Rory." Matt stood and spoke.

"He was asleep on the couch, with tears running down his face. I knew something was wrong when he walked in the door, and was going to talk about it with him in the morning, but he was gone when I woke up." After a few more questions about the fate of Truncheon and Jess's provisions, he sent Matt back to his seat.

"Miss Patty? You were working with Jess to protect Rory, please tell everyone how it came about and what it entailed," Tristan said. Miss Patty moved to Jess and put her hand on his shoulder, as she admitted the part she played.

"Luke, now I would like you to tell us about the phone call and your experience afterwards," Tristan said. Luke spoke to the crowd, and admitted to not only regretting his actions in calling for Jess to be exiled, but also how terrified he was of Ray and his threats. At this point, Tristan took over, telling the crowd how he became involved and his own actions. He told them although it was over, his guards found surveillance devices and had seen some of Ray's known associates in Stars Hollow. Taylor jumped in to speak.

"This is well and good, I speak for all of us when I say I'm glad this is resolved, but I think we need to hear from him what he's capable of, what is he guilty of? Before we consider letting him return, we need to know what he is!" Taylor said. Luke jumped up to intervene and Jess stopped him, standing to speak.

"No Luke, I get where Taylor is coming from. This town ... I didn't understand it when I came here the first time, because it was different from what I was used to. The world I lived in wasn't- pleasant. So this town freaked me out. It was a fairy tale I couldn't believe in, so I didn't appreciate it. When I came back the second time, and stayed longer, the differences between my old life and the one in Stars Hollow forced me to think about things I wasn't ready to accept. About myself. So I ran, because I couldn't handle the pain. I wasn't ready. Visiting here over the last several years, I've grown to appreciate the life here. I was willing to come here to be with Rory because I wanted to move here. This is home," Jess cleared his throat, ran his fingers through his hair and continued.

"So I understand where Taylor is coming from, he wants to protect Stars Hollow. I want to protect it. I left because my past from the other world had found me here, and I didn't want this place contaminated. So the truth about me. The truth is the sweet woman who's raising Doula here, is not the mother I knew. I don't say it to hurt you Liz, but you know it's true. You were troubled, your own problems were so big, you couldn't take care of me. Without a constant parent, I was on my own too much. One January, when I was twelve, I was thrown in the river by some bullies. Luckily, there was a guy in a boat who happened to see me. Tristan has told you Ray is a bad guy, and yeah, he's done some very bad things. He also saved my life, and was like an older brother to me. He took me home, cleaned me up, kept me from starving by teaching me skills, and giving me a job. By the time I was sixteen, I already knew I didn't want Ray's life, I wanted my own life. After I left here the second time, I went to meet my biological father in California who I'd never seen before. It didn't work out, and I ended up back in New York. I lived in a different area, and tried to avoid Ray and his friends, but I couldn't. Ray found me and I was back on his crew. When Ray went to prison for racketeering, I took the opportunity to say goodbye and move to Philly. I've been legit ever since," pausing, Jess thought about not saying what he had to say next. It could cause his exile from Stars Hollow forever. He surged on.

"There's one thing you should know. Running was doing it the hard way. It would have been easier for me to say 'sure I'll go with you, I'll do what you want me to, just leave everyone alone' and Ray would have done it. We would have shook on it, and everyone would have been safe. I would have had to leave Rory, but everyone would have been safe. Stars Hollow, and the people in it would have been in no danger. I couldn't do it. I couldn't live the life again. I'm not that Jess anymore," Jess said, and waited. He waited for the questions he was sure were going to be asked. He hadn't told them what he actually did for Ray. Of course, Taylor called him on it when Miss Patty made the motion to vote.

"Not yet! We still don't know what Jess did! We could be harboring a murderer in our midst," Taylor yelled. Kirk started to tremble, turning white with a greenish tint. Voices erupted around him and Jess had to yell his next words to get their attention, his voice quieted them.

"I've never killed anyone, and I didn't witness anyone killed. I did participate in intimidation, and I helped clean up a couple of… messes. I disposed of evidence. I made deliveries. When I was a minor, I stole cars, opened doors," Jess said, figuring there was no way Taylor would let him stay. The arguments around him flew fast and furious. He couldn't keep track of who was for or against him. It seemed to change as everything he had said was argued back and forth. Dropping his head in his hands again, lost in his own thoughts, he didn't even notice the room grow quiet.

"Let him stay," Rory said from the back.

Jess's head whipped up at the sound of her voice, but she had already turned and was running out. He stood to go after her, yelling "Rory," but Tristan and Luke caught him, telling him no. The vote had to be taken. Sighing, he let them lead him to the chair while Lorelai went after Rory. The room was quiet as Miss Patty and Taylor whispered at the podium. Finally, Taylor took the mic.

"In light of recent events, we hereby revoke the previous banishment of one Jess Mariano. He's allowed in Stars Hollow, but will be on probation for no less than six months. Meeting adjourned."


	15. Chapter 15- My Precious

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Fifteen: My Precious

_The boy was sitting against the hallway's dingy green wall._

"_What are you doing out here?"_

"_She isn't home, and I don't have a key, so I can't get in," the boy said, trying to wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks._

"_When she gonna get home?" the kid asked, squatting down next to his neighbor. They hadn't lived there long, but he already knew the boy's mom was a junky. The boy shrugged in answer. "How old are you anyway?" _

"_Five, I go to school, name's Jess," the boy said._

"_Well Jess, this is your lucky day. You need to learn my trick. It's better than what they teach you at school. Here's how you open a door," the kid said, pulling pieces of metal out of his pocket. He worked with the boy till he could open the door by himself, and feeling generous, left him his kit. "Always keep those on you, but don't let teachers see them. Okay? Like in a backpack pocket, just lying on the bottom like garbage. And practice. Practice on as many different type of locks as you can," he said before heading down the hall to his own apartment._

"_Don't you need them?"the boy yelled down the hall. Turning back, the kid smirked._

"_Nah, I can make another set, it's just bits of metal, paperclips and stuff," he entered his own apartment and heard the boy's thank you through the door. _

"Jess, let's get you moved into Luke's. Rory was hiding in the bathroom, so she heard everything, but she isn't ready to see you. Now it's over, she wants time to process," Tristan said. Jess ran his hand through his hair, turning and walking out of Miss Patty's studio. He had hoped when she spoke for him, it would be easy. He should have known better. Nothing was ever easy. Ever.

He worked in the diner during the day, playing nice with the townsfolk. Taking the time to answer their inane questions about the mob. Kirk was more annoying than normal, wanting to meet Ray so he could do a character study of him. Kirk, playing Ray in a Kirk produced movie… Jess's mind boggled at the thought. Miss Patty helped divert attention with tales of her own made men experiences, making Luke and Jess both queasy. In the evenings Jess wrote and waited. Following Lorelai's advice to let Rory be, to let her work through her thoughts.

Rory processed for a solid week. Returning from a delivery, he knew. The ringing of the bell seemed different as he entered. Deeper. Ominous. The diner was quiet as he trudged upstairs, knowing what he would find. He shouldn't have listened to anyone. He should have chased after her and held her close, not letting her out of his sight. But he didn't. He did what she said she wanted. He trusted her.

The ring was on the table waiting for him, next to a note. He was glad she had written more than one word.

_You should have told me. Let me in. We could have solved it together. You didn't trust me. Goodbye._

Lying down on the bed, he faced the table. Staring at the ring. The blue sapphire, the color of her eyes, caught the light and glowed. Glowed with her anger, her pain. Since Ray first appeared, Jess had cried a few times, apparently even once while sleeping although he personally thought Matt was full of shit. Now, he had no tears. His eyes burned, pulsed in his head to the beat of his heart. He didn't hear Luke talking to him after close. He stared at the ring. He didn't hear Tristan the next afternoon. He stared at the ring. For hours, his eyes burning, he stared at the ring, not understanding. How he could have been so wrong about everything? In the evening, Lorelai entered the apartment, watched him for a while and moving to the table, she slowly put her hand on top of the ring, closing her fist around it and pulling it out of his sight. His eyes drifted shut and he slept. Taking the ring with her, Lorelai left, leaving him sleeping. The next morning, he woke, grabbed his notebook and pen, threw on a coat and left the diner.

Jess walked through the town, aimless. He'd stop, sit in the freezing cold, write till his hands ached, put his notebook and pen in his pocket, then move somewhere new, warming his hands while he walked. He wrote in the gazebo, on the bridge, under the willow tree, sitting in the alley. Gypsy kicked him out of her gas station. It freaked her out to see him leaning against the pumps, writing. He left in the mornings, and wandered through the town all day long, returning to the dinner only when it was too dark to see his pen moving across the paper. He closed the diner for Luke every night. Deep cleaning, working till he fell into an exhausted sleep. He had to be exhausted to sleep upstairs. Write, rinse and repeat. He entered the dark places by himself. She had promised to be there with him, holding him to the light, but she wasn't and it didn't matter anymore.

Right now, getting his childhood down on paper was the only thing which mattered. Once he was on paper, he didn't need to be real anymore. He would be permanent, so why be existent. He could be done. It wasn't like he was suicidal, just ambivalent about the possibility of a future. He didn't know what it meant exactly. He was hoping for some sort of rebirth. He sure the hell wasn't a phoenix.

Luke was at a loss, he didn't know how to handle Jess's pain. He was surprised Jess was still in Stars Hollow, although he hadn't asked about future plans. Not that Jess would answer. Jess didn't speak anymore. Not even a huh. Standing in the diner, he wiped down the counter. Lorelai came in, quiet, understanding.

"You didn't come home last night. How is he?" she asked.

"Not good. Rory was bad, but it was obvious what she was doing. She was wallowing. She let you help her. She cried, she questioned. She talked. He doesn't talk. When he works, he doesn't make eye contact. Doesn't speak. Outsiders think he's a mute. I don't get it. Did you see him? Kirk is keeping tabs on him for me," Luke said, pointing at the radio on the counter. "The last update had him writing on Peach Street. Kirk has been following him around for two weeks and today he's sitting against a tree on Peach," Luke said.

"Well, that's good isn't it? Trying someplace new," Lorelai replied.

"I don't think so. It's why I stayed here last night. It started yesterday. Kirk said he had a hard time keeping up with Jess's switches. He couldn't get settled anywhere. When he walked in here at lunchtime, I thought this is good. This is progress. He's here for the lunch rush. Jess panicked. He saw Liz and couldn't deal. He completely lost it. He was so white. Liz was going on and on about how much weight he's dropped, and he tried to ignore her, but he couldn't. His eyes kept darting to her. So he started to close the diner down, putting up the chairs, and I told him it wasn't time yet. It was lunchtime. He froze, looked around, saw Liz again, and bolted, he practically ran out of here. Kirk said he started to go to the bridge, but he stopped and couldn't continue. Same with the willow tree and the gazebo, all the places he's been writing at. He couldn't do it. He stood on Plum, and when it got dark he came to the diner. Last night I had to make him a bed on the floor. He wouldn't stay in the bedroom, and wouldn't sleep on the couch," Luke trailed off.

"So now he's avoiding any place he has memories of Rory. Maybe we should give him a room at the Dragonfly. He shouldn't have memories there. Rory's thrown herself into her work, into Truncheon, and she's writing. I think they're writing their stories, but they don't have each other to help get them through the tough spots. What are we going to do?" Lorelai asked.

Jess didn't come back to the diner that night. Kirk radioed Luke, and after packing Jess's clothes and notebooks, Luke met Jess on Apricot Street. He was sitting against Taylor's doghouse, with Taylor's American Eskimo lying across his leg. Luke stopped at the gate when Snookums started growling. It was a little white ball of fur, but territorial. Kirk waved from across the road. He and Snookums had a difficult relationship, what with the biting, snarling and crying. Taylor wandered over to talk to Luke.

"He was standing outside the fence, writing. I let Snookums out to scare him off, and it was the darndest thing! Snookums ran up to the fence and whined at Jess. He huffed and wiggled his fluffy tail. Jess looked at him, bent down and stroked him on the head. It was precious the way they bonded. I invited him in, and he's been sitting with Snookums since," Taylor said.

"Jess, let's get you moved to the Dragonfly, Lorelai has a room for you. Why isn't Snookums eating you?" Luke asked, knowing he wouldn't get a response. Jess scratched the dog on the head before picking it up and carrying it over to Taylor who was waiting on his porch. Handing the dog off, he turned and met Luke on the sidewalk. Taylor shook his head sadly, as he kissed the meanest dog in Stars Hollow on its little black nose.

Checking into the Dragonfly, Jess surprised Lorelai and Luke by speaking. His voice was harsh and scratchy from not being used.

"I can't stay here. I don't have any money. No job. No income. I transferred everything to," Jess's voice trailed off as he turned to leave. Lorelai stopped him, holding onto his arm.

"You stay. Even if you didn't have money, you're family. Rory will transfer everything back to your name," Lorelai said. Jess ripped away from her, stumbling backwards.

"No! She can't. I have to be able to give her something," turning, Jess walked out of the Dragonfly and into the woods. He knew he couldn't go on this way. He'd been hoping Rory would see him, seek him out in one of their usual places. She hadn't. He hadn't seen her anywhere. His princess was locked in her castle and he didn't have the tools to scale the walls. He couldn't remember how to open the door. All those years picking locks, and he didn't know how anymore. Everything he'd done was for nothing. Stopping, he looked around. He thought he might be lost. Wouldn't it be the perfect ending? Lost, alone in the woods. But his book wasn't done yet. You couldn't have an ending without the beginning, and he was fighting his way through the beginning. It was the problem. He knew it was why he was acting this way. Forcing himself to write about things he didn't even want to think about, was making him crazy. Turning around, he tried to head toward the sound of Luke's and Lorelai's voices yelling for him, eventually finding the gravel drive to the Dragonfly. Luke saw him first and ran to meet him.

"Don't you, don't you ever do something like that again. Do you understand me?" Luke demanded, shaking him before pulling him into a hug. Jess pulled away in amazement.

"Luke, I'm not seventeen anymore."

"I don't care, you don't do it again. It's April, and too cold at night to be lost in the damn woods, come on. You're staying here, and you can pay me back later. Finish the book you're writing and then we'll find you a place to live and a job. But you're not going anywhere. I can't handle the stress," Luke growled as he dragged Jess into the Dragonfly and up the steps.


	16. Chapter 16- Raising Eyebrows

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Sixteen: Raising Eyebrows

_He tried to hide the finger length bruises on his wrist, but when he reached to grab __Call Of The Wild__ off the top shelf, his sleeve pulled back and she saw them. She insisted he follow her to the office. He took the book with and read while his teacher talked to the guidance counselor. He read while the friendly blond woman asked him questions. She took his book away, saying he was too young for it. So he stared off into space. Sitting him down in the nurse's office, they took his shirt off and tears formed in their eyes when they saw the cigarette burns on his stomach and the bruises on his back. He knew it was going to be bad. He knew he was going to be punished for letting them see. His newest daddy would leave, but the next one could be worse, and Liz would punish him anyway. He wondered if he could escape and run home to hide his books before the visitors came to the door. He thought about asking for __Call of The Wild__ back._

Now that Jess was ensconced in the Dragonfly, Rory wandered through town. She knew about Jess's last couple of weeks, everyone in town talked about it. Not to her, but around her. They weren't talking to her. The idea of it hurt. On both counts. Jess in pain and the town blaming her. Kirk had taken to following her, to the bridge and the gazebo, and the whole time he glared at her. Miss Patty was shunning her completely, turning the other way when she saw Rory. The town was treating her like she had a contagious disease. Worse, she was being punished. When she went into Doose's, Taylor took the pop tart box out of her hand and shook his head no. Taylor! The mandate was clear. Fix it. Fix Jess. How could she when she couldn't understand her own feelings? Heading home, she fought to find the strength to enter the front door. Pushing past the memories, she sat on the window seat in the library. Arms wrapped around her knees, she pulled the curtain, hiding herself from the cheery room. Closing the blinds cut her off from the outside world, and after a while, she picked up her laptop to write about Darfur.

When Tristan agreed to help Rory, and after getting to know Jess, he never thought it would end this way. Everyone had visited them in the last week. Emily had tried to push Rory into showing emotion by playing devil's advocate and putting Jess down. When it hadn't worked, she yelled at Rory, saying she needed to wake up. The old Rory would have talked to her in an unacceptable tone for the comments she had made about Jess, but instead, she had sat there in the library window saying nothing. Paris was even at a loss, she had leveled her greatest insult. She had told them both they were quitters. Neither one responded and at Friday night's diner, which Rory did not attend, they agreed something had to be done. Richard said Jess was editing his book, and he worried what Jess would do when it was finished. Luke agreed.

Knocking on Jess's door at the Dragonfly, Tristan thought about what to say. He didn't have a clue. Jess opened the door, and returned to his desk. Tristan followed him in, shutting the door behind him.

"I'm here to kidnap you," Tristan said, catching Jess by surprise.

"What?" Jess asked, unsure if he heard correctly.

"It was decided last night to kidnap you."

"Huh." Jess continued his editing.

"That's anti-climatic. I thought I'd at least get an eyebrow raise. Or a why," Tristan said. Glancing up, Jess raised his eyebrow.

"Thank you. Your sarcasm has not gone unnoticed. Seriously, don't you want to know the plan?" Tristan asked.

"No."

"No?"

"No," Jess said as he turned to the last page, checking it over and making a small change before closing the notebook. Tristan was watching him with narrowed eyes.

"All done?" Tristan asked. Jess stood and gathered the other notebooks, stacking them together, before handing them over.

"Give those to her. She can do what she wants with them. Read them, publish them. She can burn them, it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Jess. God! Why won't you fight for her?"

"Because she doesn't want me to! She said I didn't trust her, but I do. She said it was over, and since I do trust her, I know she isn't lying. She processed. She thought about it, and she said we were done. There's nothing to fight for, she can't trust me enough to know. To understand why, to love me," Jess yelled, showing emotion for the first time in weeks. Tristan was glad to see it.

"Bull shit. Rory hasn't processed anything. She's reacted, but she hasn't let herself accept the truth. She's waiting, she's waiting for you to tell her your truth," Tristan replied. Jess shook his head.

"I wish I could believe you. But I don't."

"Give me time then, I haven't talked to her yet. Give me time to talk to her, and give her your book. Don't leave or do anything stupid," Tristan said.

"I don't plan on ever leaving Stars Hollow. Whether we're together or not, this is my home now, or it will be, as soon as I find someplace to live," Jess replied. Tristan walked to the door, opening it, he turned back.

"Don't do anything stupid. I'll be back to kidnap you later." Jess raised an eyebrow before picking up a book to lose himself in.

Knocking on Rory's door a few minutes later, Tristan was trying not to lose his temper. He knew it wouldn't take much to set him off. These two were miserable, and they needed each other, everyone and their dog could see it. Including Taylor and Snookums. Rory opened the door, and gestured Tristan in.

"You're an idiot. You're both idiots. He says you're wrong and he does trust you, so he knows you're telling the truth about it being over. Which is why he won't fight for you. And you, I told you at your mother's. Jess did the right thing. He did what had to be done. He didn't have another choice. And you're treating him like he wanted to go," Tristan said, ranting. Rory backed away from him, not wanting to hear what he had to say.

"He could have talked to me! He could have told me what was going on, and I would have gone with him," she said. Tristan scooped her up, tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman carry and walked out the door. Rory screamed and yelled, beating on his back with her free hand, all the way to the Dragonfly. The people of Stars Hollow were delighted, both with the show, which would provide gossip for months, and the action. Finally, someone was doing something about the Rory/Jess situation. Jess was opening the door to see what the hell was going on in the hall when Tristan stormed into his room and tossed Rory onto the bed. Pushing Jess away from the door, he leaned against it with his arms crossed, catching his breath.

"So help me God, if you raise your eyebrow at me now, I'll kill you," Tristan said to Jess.

"And this is different how?" Jess replied, dismayed by the turn of events. Wanting nothing more than to follow Rory down on the bed and cover her with his body.

"Don't talk to me. Talk to her. Rory, repeat what you said before I brought you here," Rory was scooting up against the headboard trying not to look at Jess or Tristan. She was embarrassed and pissed. She refused to talk, shaking her head no. Jess stared at the carpet. His fists were clenched at his sides. Tristan knew he'd have to act fast before Jess punched him on his way out the door.

"Fine. She said she would have gone with you. What would you have said to me if I would have suggested it to you as an option?" Tristan asked.

"I would have said no. Two people are harder to hide. Her eyes. God, her beautiful eyes would be impossible to hide. Sure we could have bleached her hair, but it wouldn't have worked. She'd have to hide. No phone calls to family, or friends. I didn't have an I.D. for her, so she would never be able to work anywhere that wasn't on a cash only basis. Crappy, seasonal type work. There's no way she could have left everything behind forever. Even if we did get away, even if I could protect her while working, I wanted more for her than moving every two months and starting again. I couldn't ask her to give up her life because I had a past I didn't tell her about. And I knew she would have done it, and it would have destroyed her. I couldn't let her make the choice," Jess said, staring at Tristan.

"You're right. Everything you've said, I thought about too, and more. It's why it was never an option. Even for someone without a close relationship to their family, life on the run is hard. It's why witness protection fails. They reach out to home. And then, you would both be dead. And they're set up in houses. You'd be hiding in abandoned houses and sheds. Rory, I hope you're listening," Tristan said. Rory gave a slow nod, staring at Jess.

"Talking to you about it would have made it impossible to leave. The only way I could leave was if I thought, someday, you could be happy again. It wouldn't have been with me, but you would have been alive, safe and happy. It's all I've ever wanted for you. I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry, for my life. Everything," Jess said, staring at the floor. Rory stood.

"The notebooks Tristan left at our house, are they your past? Your whole past?" Rory asked.

"Yes," Jess replied, feeling the faintest stirring of hope, daring to risk a glance.

"I want to read them, and then I want to think about things. If I call here will you answer questions I might have?"

"Yes."

"And you, Tristan, if I call you at work and ask you questions will you answer them?" Rory asked.

"It depends. There are things neither one of us should say on the phone," Tristan said gesturing between him and Jess, "but call, and we can meet. I think any questions you have of Jess should be answered in person too. I have an idea, but I'm not sure if you guys would go for it."

"No," Jess replied.

"You don't even know what I'm going to suggest. How can you say no?" Tristan asked.

"You know there's little I wouldn't agree to if it meant winning her back. Which means you're about to suggest something which will make Rory uncomfortable. Or worse, something she doesn't want to do, but feels pressured to," Jess ran his hand through his hair, and dared another glance at Rory who was looking at him with wide eyes. "I don't want her on any terms but her own. So don't."

"What were you going to suggest?" Rory asked, still watching Jess. Tristan sighed.

"No. He's right. This is a good start. You need to read his book and take it from there. There's another problem though. Jess needs something to do. Richard and Luke both feel he's on the edge, and with the book complete, they're afraid he'll give up on everything. You heard what happened at Luke's, and here, with the woods."

"Jess?" Rory whispered. She had heard, but since he was the one who left, hadn't believed he was so tormented.

"No. A big part of it was writing the book. When I write, I become so involved I forget to take care of myself. Add to it what I was writing about, and I wasn't in good shape. Add us to it, and maybe it was too much. Talking to you, you listening, helps. Knowing you're going to read the book instead of throwing it away, helps." Rory let herself stare into his warm brown eyes. God, she'd missed his eyes.

"There's plenty to be done in Truncheon 2. I've found some authors for you to look at, and there's manuscripts waiting for you to edit. We didn't fill your spot. No one could anyway. Truncheon 2 is waiting for you," Rory said. Jess nodded and looked at the floor again. Tristan knew what the problem was. Jess had put himself out there in ways he never would have dreamed before. In front of the whole town. Everyone knew who he was now, and for someone as introverted as Jess, it was too much to face. It was another reason he lost it in the diner. Plus the town was watching and waiting for something to happen between him and Rory. Jess couldn't handle the scrutiny. He needed to ease in slowly.

"Jess, I would recommend working here. At least for a while. I would feel better knowing you're not wandering around town again. It made me nervous, and you lost too much weight. Sookie can keep you fed here," Tristan suggested. Jess looked relieved, and then he stared at the bed where Rory had been tossed, tensing. Tristan sighed; dealing with these two was akin to walking through a minefield. "Rory, I'm going to let you out now, so you can go read. Arrange to have stuff sent to Jess tomorrow morning so he can work. Jess, I'll be back in a bit, we'll have dinner," Tristan said, opening the door and stepping out. Rory stared at Jess till he looked at her. She waited for him to say something, anything.

"I love you. I know you don't believe it, but I do," he said, voice soft, hesitant.

"I love you too, Jess, but I have to believe in you," Rory replied. "I'll call you when I have questions," she said, holding her tears till she was down the hall.


	17. Chapter 17- Too Close

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Seventeen: Too Close

_I was fourteen the first time I had sex. She was older. I'm not sure how much older. Nineteen? Twenty? She liked hanging around Ray. I don't know if he suggested it, but all it took was her running her hand down my cheek and I followed her to bed like a lost puppy. At first the physical contact was enough, the gentle caresses, the idea of someone touching me without causing pain, but it didn't take long to learn it was missing something. I didn't find out what till I was seventeen. Until then, the word love wasn't in my vocabulary._

"Why didn't you tell me he looked so gaunt? Rory asked Lorelai while eating at Luke's later.

"You didn't want to know," Lorelai replied before asking, "how's the book?"

"Heartbreaking. Each notebook is a section of his life, and I can't read the stuff from before he was twelve for long before having to do something else. It's weird though, he wrote it from a different perspective, so it isn't as personal as the rest of the notebooks. And you can tell he isn't happy with the section. During editing, he put notes in the margins outlining how it would be in first person," Rory said, finishing her fries.

"Is it helping you to read it?"

"Yeah, I mean, he never lied to me about his past. He glossed over it, and didn't give me the details. But he never lied, and when I asked, he told me. But now, I have so many questions, and I can't call him every two minutes. I've called him twice already tonight," Rory added. "Quick calls, I bark out the questions, he sighs, answers, I say thank you, hang up and cry for a half an hour."

"Well, we came up with a plan at Friday night dinner, but I'm not sure you're ready," Lorelai said. "Tristan was going to kidnap Jess, and install him in your guest bedroom. Then he was going to post a guard so you couldn't leave. Force the two of you to exist in the same place. You'd be able to ask all the questions you wanted through the guestroom door." As Lorelai finished her coffee Rory stood, gave her mom a hug and left the diner without saying a word in response to Lorelai's confession. She guessed Tristan had decided to manhandle her instead, and if the end result would have been bad, she'd still be pissed. But she felt better, was it closure or something else, she didn't know yet. Walking home the long way, she was surprised to see Jess and Tristan at Taylor's house. Tristan was talking to Taylor on the other side of the street, while Jess sat with Snookums on his lap, petting the territorial monster. Both their eyes were shut, and there was bliss on the little dog's face. It was a beautiful dog. When it wasn't trying to eat you.

Jess knew she was watching. He could feel her presence. He'd stopped by to see Snookums, although he was calling the dog Bazzard just to upset Taylor. Seeing Rory lying on his bed had been painful. He'd clenched his fists to keep from reaching out to her, caressing her. Every move, every touch he wanted to carry out, ran through his mind as he tried to answer Tristan's questions. Petting Snookums helped soothe his shattered nerves. Tilting his head down, he snuck a peak out of the corner of his eye. Rory was standing there, arms clasped around her stomach, a pinched look around her mouth. She was concentrating, deciding something as she stared through him. Flinching when she called Tristan's name, he closed his eyes again and tilted his head back against the dog house. He had to give her space, and get used to seeing her around. He wasn't leaving Stars Hollow.

"Come on Jess. Time to go," Tristan said, leading him to the Dragonfly. "Gather your stuff, we need to move," he added. Jess stared at Tristan before turning away and throwing his clothes in the duffle, and grabbing his stuff out of the bathroom. Putting his laptop in the bag, he took a last look around the room and followed Tristan outside, assuming they were going to the diner apartment, when they arrived at his and Rory's house Jess refused to get out of the car.

"What are we doing here Tristan?"

"Rory wants you here so she can ask you questions. You'll stay in the guest room," Tristan said.

"No. I can't."

"You can. Rory wants you here."

"Tristan, take me back to the Dragonfly. She can call me and I'll stay on the line while she reads. She can put me on speaker phone. I can't be in the house, I was happy there, planning a future. I'm asking you, don't make me do this," Jess said. Tristan looked, really looked, at Jess. The clenched white fists, the red rimmed eyes, the shallow breaths.

"Stay here. I'll go talk to her. Do not move from this car." Tristan said, before leaving Jess and knocking on the door. Rory answered, surprised.

"I told you to walk in and put him in the guest room."

"I can't, he won't get out of the car. Truthfully Rory, if I would have known you were going to react like this, I would have put him on a plane to Europe, and set him up there. I'd do it now, except he said he'd never leave Stars Hollow."

"Even if I never take him back?"

"I got the impression he plans on dying here. He's talking about finding a place to live," Tristan said. "I'm going to take him to the inn. He said he'd sit on speaker phone with you while you read and asked questions."

"Or, we could get the adjoining rooms at the Dragonfly. Call my mom while I pack a bag," Rory said.

"Okay, but you're sitting in the back, and if he bolts, you're chasing him."

**_A/N- Bazzard is a Dickens's character in the book The Mystery of Edwin Drood. He's a clerk who writes and has a strange power over his boss. I'm not sure if Snookums is Bazzard or if Jess is… I have an American Eskimo. Great companion dog. Loves his family. Hates everyone else with a fangy passion._**


	18. Chapter 18- Throwing Rory, Flinging Jess

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Eighteen: Throwing Rory, Flinging Jess

_Looking around his room, he saw she'd gotten rid of his books. It hadn't taken his mother long to realize it was the most effective way of punishing him. He had two he kept with him at all times, his Angel Tree books, so she couldn't sell them. Lying down on the ratty mattress, he stared up at the ceiling. His last foster parents had a whole shelf filled with books. He wished he was still there._

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lorelai asked Tristan in the dining room at the Dragonfly.

"No. If you remember, I was against the whole lock them in the same room together scenario. But, Rory's at least talking to him, and Jess is getting sarcastic again, so two in the plus column."

Upstairs Jess was sitting on his new bed, staring at the connecting door. The only thing between him and Rory. Two thin doors, and he'd opened his. Lying back, he switched his view to the ceiling. At some point, Rory would ask him questions. Would she open it more than a crack? Would she come in? Would she be a disembodied voice in the dark? Would he see her? Sitting up, he ran his hands through his hair, and moved to the table. His other room had a desk, and a better view. Ah well, the table would work. Pulling out his laptop, he waited for an inspiration, for words, any words. There was nothing.

Taking a deep breath, Rory opened the connecting door, and stuck her head in Jess's room. He was frozen at the table, poised over the laptop, but not writing. Clearing her throat she garnered his attention, his head whipping around to face her.

"Rory? What is it? Are you okay? Of course you are. I'm sorry. Did you have a question?" Jess asked. For a second, he'd forgotten everything. He let himself drink in the sight of her, as she moved to sit on the edge of his bed. She was on his bed again. Forcing his thoughts away from the direction they were headed, he tried to control his breathing.

"Yeah. So Ray. I want to know what happened this time in New York when you met with Ray and worked things out." Rory said. Jess looked away and started talking, sneaking glances. He talked for a couple of minutes before Rory interrupted.

"Wait, we have Logan and Mitchum to thank for your freedom?" Rory asked, jumping to her feet, pacing back and forth. He watched, wary. She grabbed her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed. "Tristan, get up to Jess's room, now," she said, hanging up. Jess looked at her as if she'd lost her mind, taking a second to find his voice.

"You shouldn't have done that. He's going to think I," Jess was saying as the door to the room flew open, bouncing against the wall. "As I was saying, he's going to think I've hurt myself," Jess said, leaning back in his chair with a smirk. He was returning to himself, slowly, yes, but the haze he lived in while writing was dissipating. Lorelai arrived at the door, out of breath.

"Let's get one thing clear here. I am not going to kill myself. I don't have any skeletons left in my closet, so I don't think the situation will arise again. But, hey, if it does, shoot me dead in the town square because I'm not going to leave Stars Hollow. I may have been confused earlier, because of digging through the past, but I'm not now. Rory wants time, so I'm giving it to her. She wants to ask questions, and talk, so I'm letting her. I just need to do it on neutral ground," Jess said. While Lorelai and Tristan looked at him with open mouths, Rory turned to Tristan.

"Are you insane? Getting the Huntzbergers involved? At what cost?"

"Jess! Why'd you tell her?" Tristan said to Jess, who shrugged his shoulders.

"She asked, and it's my new policy to tell her everything, even if she doesn't ask. For instance, I hate lima beans. I find their texture peculiar. Why don't you guys talk about this in her room. I need to get some work done," Jess said, relieved when everyone left. Although the shouting next door was annoying. He thought about calling management to complain, but since Lorelai was the one yelling the loudest, he figured it wouldn't do any good. The thought of Tristan being blasted by both women gave Jess a sense of contentment.

Sleep came easy. He didn't wake when Rory snuck in and sat in his room watching him for hours while she read, but the next morning he woke to a letter on the nightstand. A list of questions, and an addendum saying she was going to Hartford to meet her grandparents for lunch. It was unsigned, but he was glad she left something so he didn't spend the day worrying. She was lying of course, well, maybe not lying, but leaving her true intent out. She was going to talk to Logan. He knew it, and he understood it. It was okay. He'd spend the day looking over the authors she'd found. Then he'd answer her letter with one of his own.

Slipping the letter under the connecting door, Jess thought about what he had written after answering her questions. The words wouldn't flow. He hadn't said what he wanted to say.

_I know you well enough to know you went to visit Logan. I understand your need to know. I hope he gave you the answers you were looking to find. Logan gave up the life he wanted, the life he fought for, so you could be happy. It must have been hard for him to see you unhappy. I've thought of so many sentences to write next, and none of them are enough. So I'll end here. –Love, Jess_

When she called him that morning, Logan was surprised to hear from her, but agreed to meet at his home instead of the office. Rory was still trying to think of what to say as she pulled into the Huntzberger's driveway. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she rang the bell.

"Rory, good to see you. You and writer boy have a nice reunion?" Logan said, letting her in and introducing her to his wife and daughter.

"No, not yet. I can't get past him not telling me. Not trusting me. I wanted to thank you though, for what you did for him, for us," Rory said, uncomfortable with the look Logan was giving her.

"Seriously? Nanny, take Maddie to the park," Logan said, and then waited till his daughter and her nanny were out the door before standing. Rory sat back in her chair across from his wife, who was looking at her with sympathy. "Jesus Ace! Why do you always do this?"

"What do you mean?" Rory asked.

"Ace, you should have run to him in New York. You should have thrown yourself in his arms. You know you wanted to. You probably had to fight yourself not to go! What the hell's wrong with you, that you can't accept it when someone loves you?"

"He left me, Logan. He left!" Rory said.

"He gave up everything for you! Do you think it was easy for him? He had to go. This isn't about him or what he did, it's about you. It's the same problem you've always had! You're a chicken. You're a scared little chicken, who has to psych herself up to do anything. Once you're psyched up, you can do anything, but it takes too much time. You never learned how to jump, Ace! You spend so much time thinking things over, the world passes you by. You love Jess. He loves you. You're miserable. Stop making it so damn complicated!" Rory was stunned. Sitting in the Huntzberger mansion while being yelled at by an ex was too much and she covered her eyes with her hands. Logan continued.

"Seriously, Ace. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist. Speed up the process of getting you over this wall you've built. You've always cared for this guy. I knew it back then, why do you think I was so upset that night? One minute with the two of you and I knew he was the only serious threat we faced. I could see the connection between you. Why can't you let yourself be happy?" Dropping her hands from her eyes, she stood and thanked him again for helping. Stumbling out to her car she called Samantha, her psychiatrist, setting up an emergency appointment and after collecting herself, drove to New York to meet with her.

It took an hour to tell Samantha what had transpired since she last talked to her. She hadn't been seeing her professionally for over a year, but on occasion, they met for coffee. Samantha asked one question.

"How long do you think he should be punished?" Rory was stunned. Everything came into focus.

"I'm punishing him for hurting me, you're right, but truthfully, I don't know the answer to your question," Rory said.

"You've loved Jess for a long time. We've had many conversations about him, your past, and your future. Here's the way these scenarios normally progress," Samantha said, "One, there will be some life altering event, an accident or something, which makes you realize you can't be apart. You went through a version of this in Mexico. It sounds like he went through a version of this when you were in your car accident. Or two, you'll start meeting, slowly working your way back to each other, eventually having a conversation and getting together, or three- you will drift apart, and be over. I know I don't normally make recommendations, but I think you should start dating. You never did the dating thing, not really. Dress up, get pretty, go to dinner. Don't have sex till at least your third date. You don't want him to think you're easy," Samantha joked.

Sitting in his room, watching Jess sleep, Rory knew she loved him. She would always love him, her feelings hadn't changed. Talking to Logan today had been an eye opener for her. He had yelled at her. It wasn't what she expected when she knocked on the door. Her visit with Samantha was also productive, forcing her to face up to her own actions. So here she was, sitting in his room, finishing his book, while watching him sleep. Fighting to keep herself from joining Jess in bed. Making a decision, she left her questions and a letter on the nightstand.

_Jess, you're right of course, I did go see Logan. I wanted to tell him thank you. I didn't expect him to yell at me. He called me a chicken. So between Tristan and Logan, I'm now an idiot chicken. He did have a good idea. He suggested I see my psychiatrist. So I went to New York and met with Samantha. She didn't call me any names, but I had the feeling she wanted to. Jess, I think it's time we went on a date. I'll pick you up at six. We'll go to dinner and to a movie. Casual dress. Love, Rory._

Reading the letter, Jess didn't know what to think. Rory had been acting like Yale Rory, running from the idea of them. Now she was the Rory who initiated contact. It was confusing. Would one visit to a psychiatrist be enough to turn her personality around? Or was she running to him because Logan was unavailable? Was this rebound? Pacing around the room, he gave up trying to figure out where the idea of dating was coming from and decided to work. He answered Rory's list of questions, slid it under her door and paced again. Forcing himself to sit down, he worked for a while, before spending some time listening at the connecting door. After showering and dressing, he paced again, and finally, his steps led him out of the room. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he headed down the steps. Seeing Lorelai at the desk he stopped. At her raised eyebrows, he wandered her direction.

"A little early for your date, don't you think? And is that what you're wearing?" Lorelai asked.

"I don't have any date clothes here. They're at the house," Jess said, shrugging his shoulders. Lorelai looked at him, obviously excited.

"Oh! Shopping! I love shopping!" she said, coming out from behind the counter. Jess backed away, his eyes narrowed.

"No! You could go to the house, and pick me up stuff. We don't need to go shopping. I don't want to go shopping."

"Yes you do! Shopping is fun! Let's go," Lorelai said taking his hand and pulling him toward the door. Neither one noticed Rory coming down the steps from her room.

"No," Jess replied, trying to tug his hand out of hers.

"Yes!" Lorelai said, grabbing his wrist with her other hand and pulling harder.

"I don't have money and I do not want to go shopping!" Jess yelled, digging in his heels.

"I'll pay, you little delinquent. You. Need. Date. Clothes," Lorelai said as she tried to pull him out the door and down the porch steps, oblivious to the rapt attention of the customers and Rory.

Rory had her hand clamped over her mouth watching the events unfold, trying not to laugh. But when Jess yelled "Help, she's abducting me! Stranger Danger!" as he clung to the porch post, Rory couldn't hold it in, and the sound of her laughter rang through the lobby. She was laughing so hard, tears ran down her face and she had to hold her stomach because it ached. Jess stopped fighting to get away, letting go, trying to see Rory. Lorelai wasn't as quick to react, and giving one more giant tug, flung Jess down the steps. Finding himself flying through the air, he tucked his head and rolled. Lying on his back, staring at the snow covered tree above, he waited. He knew it would happen, and he figured he should move, but by the time the thought had formed, and breath returned to his lungs, the snow on the branch had fallen, covering him. Standing up, he shook the snow off and looked toward the porch. Lorelai looked horrified, but was covering her mouth with her hands, and trying to hold in her laughter. Rory had collapsed, laughing, onto the swing. Jess did his best to maintain an angry expression, but he couldn't hold it and by the time he went up the steps he was laughing too.

"I'm gonna tell Luke to quit sneaking you spinach. I don't think you need it anymore. I'll go change, but I do need date clothes. Would it be okay if I went by the house and picked some up? I really don't want to go shopping," Jess added with a look in Rory's direction.

"I actually brought you some clothes when I picked up mine. I mean, you can go get different ones if you want, of course you can. It's your house too, and your clothes, but I didn't think you'd want to, so I brought you some," Rory rambled, and Jess smiled again.

"No, it's okay. I'll be fine in what you picked. I'm going to have to shower again now, dry off, warm up a bit, but I'll be ready to go in time."

"I put your clothes in the room," Rory said, smiling at Jess before he walked away.

"Wait! What do you mean sneaking me spinach?" Lorelai yelled. Jess turned and smirked. He was going to enjoy this. Really, really enjoy this.

"You didn't think it was just lettuce essence on your burger did you? Luke's been trying for years to make you eat healthier. How much do you really know about his hamburger meat?"


	19. Chapter 19- Dating

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Nineteen: Dating

_Cleaning up wasn't a barrel of laughs, more like a barrel of dead guy. The body, the blanket he'd been transported in, it all went into the barrel. The rat was a person shaped peg in a round hole. Joey jumped up and down on the guy to force him to fit. Once we managed to tighten down the lid, we rolled him onto the truck with the rest of the hazardous waste. Let the government dispose of him. I figured he'd end up at the bottom of the ocean. I envied him._

At 5:55 PM, Jess was wondering what he was supposed to do. She had asked him out, and said she would pick him up at six. Should he wait in the room? Go to the lobby? Looking in the mirror, he fiddled with the collar of his shirt, and decided he didn't like being the date. He preferred being the one in charge. Standing up, he was headed to his door when Rory knocked. Taking a deep breath, Jess opened it and was surprised by a bouquet of flowers.

"Um, these are for you," Rory said, handing him the tulips and daffodils. Jess took them from her, and looked at her, at a loss. Rory giggled. The confused look on his face was well worth the embarrassment of buying the flowers from Taylor.

"Huh. What? I mean, thank you. What do I do with them?" Jess asked looking down at the flowers, tracing a finger across a purple petal. Rory's breath caught in her throat at the sight of his gentle touch. He looked, seeing the heat in her eyes, and froze. He didn't know why she was looking at him like she wanted to ravish him, but he clenched his jaw and fought to breathe.

"You look beautiful, Rory. Really beautiful. Thank you for the flowers. I think I have a cup, hang on a second," he said. Turning into the room, he found the drinking glass, filled it with water, and balanced the bouquet in it.

"Are you ready?" he asked, feeling silly, because she had come to his door. She nodded, and they left the inn together. They were quiet during the shuttle ride to the parking lot. Both out of sorts, with the odd roles they were playing.

"Do you want to drive?" Rory asked, not knowing how to proceed. Jess glanced at her, shaking his head.

"No, you go ahead, I don't know where you're taking me, and the idea of driving seems- difficult," he added, sliding into the passenger seat.

"Have you driven since you left?"

"No, it's not, I'm not uncomfortable with the idea of driving. I'd rather," Jess trailed off.

"What?" Rory said, pulling onto the highway toward the restaurant.

"I'd rather watch you than the road," Jess said. Rory glanced over at Jess who was staring out the passenger window.

"Then why aren't you looking at me?" she asked, exasperated by the situation. She'd done nothing but think all day, and she knew what she wanted. She wanted Jess back in her life. She wanted to continue making plans for their future together. Jess turned his head toward her. It was hard to look at her without touching. It had been four months, and he craved her.

"Let's get to the restaurant, then we can talk," he said. Rory nodded, and glancing over, smiled to see him watching her. He kept his eyes on her the rest of the trip. He wasn't a hundred percent sure this was real. He thought maybe it was a dream, and he'd wake up in the inn, or worse, in the North Dakota mancamp. Pulling into the parking lot, Rory led the way into Sniffy's Tavern, greeting Luke's friend by name.

"Hi Maisy, do you know Luke's nephew Jess? Tell Buddy I'm extra hungry tonight."

"Of course you are you little darling! I've got a horse on, just for you. So this is Jess? I've heard a lot about you, young man. We'll bring you something extra special tonight. Not horse I swear," Maisy said, hurrying to the kitchen.

"What has she heard about me?" Jess asked, while he read the back of the menu. "Jeeze, who wrote this?" Rory laughed.

"That's what my mom asked Luke the first time he brought her here. This is Luke's Luke's. He eats here all the time, so now mom eats here too. At least three times a week. I guess he was going to propose here several times, but something always came up. Like me getting the job at the Times," Rory added. Jess smirked.

"I remember one too. I had to cancel his 'special' reservation the night you called about being captured in Mexico."

"You were in town?"

"Yeah, I spent a lot of time in Stars Hollow while you were an overseas correspondent. It was a way to keep up, get the inside scoop," Jess replied.

"We've never really talked about you during my stint overseas. I know you wrote the book, turning me into a super cool DEA agent, and my grandfather said he used a quote from it to explain his feelings at the time," Rory said, tracing her finger around the rim and stem of her wine glass. Jess couldn't take his eyes off her hand. Feeling the blood rush south, he swallowed hard and forced himself to look at her face. It amazed him how innocent she still was; she had no clue the effect such a simple action could cause.

"I didn't know you were in Darfur, because I was on a book tour, and hadn't talked to Luke, but once I found out, it wasn't easy. I followed your writing, and I knew something had happened, but I couldn't tell anyone what I suspected. And then when the picture of you came out from Haiti, I, well, Chris and Matt had to take my ID and passport, because I was packing to fly there. That's when I wrote the book. When you came home it was hard for a while too."

"Because of my nightmare at Luke's?"

"Sort of, he didn't tell us much of anything, we didn't have details. We just knew it was bad," Jess said.

"We?"

"Your mom ambushed me one day to see if Luke had given me more or different information. We bonded over shredded napkins. Made little mountains together. Ask Luke, he likes to bring up our napkin piles. Rory, why are we on a date?" Jess asked out of the blue, surprising her.

"Samantha suggested it. She also said I shouldn't sleep with you till the third date, because she didn't want you to think I was easy," Rory said, Jess looked down at the napkin he had been playing with during their conversation. "Jess, why won't you look at me?"

"When I look at you, I want to touch you, your cheek, your hair, your hand, your wrist. It hurts to know I can't, that you're not mine anymore to touch. I don't belong to you, you didn't want me. I have to fight not to hold you. It's why I couldn't drive. It's why I didn't want to be in the guest room at the house. The house was ours too, and I don't think I could stop myself from reaching out to you there." Rory took Jess's hand, lacing his fingers through hers across the table. Every nerve in his body migrated to his fingers, the warmth, her sudden contact, it drove the air out of his lungs.

"I don't want to grow apart. I don't want to wait for some horrific accident to drive us together, and I don't want to spend months dating. I want to have the conversation now," Rory said.

"What conversation?" Jess wanted Rory to be very clear on her intentions. About what she wanted. She was the one who broke their engagement.

"The conversation where we work everything out and get back together. I want you to come home, back to me, to our life, to our bed," Rory said, not looking away from the intense look in Jess's eyes.

"I don't know if it's that easy, Rory. What you wrote in your note, with the ring, saying I didn't trust you. What's changed? I mean, you were wrong, and I do trust you. I did. Me leaving had nothing to do with not trusting you. It had to do with protecting you and everyone else. I knew Ray would eventually bug our house, your mom's house and the diner. The only reason I called Luke, was he needed to be on the lookout for Ray in case Ray came back, and I could have skipped the call because I should have known Ray would hold a gun to his head. Ray knew Luke was the closest thing I had to a father, besides himself. So what's changed?" Jess asked, pulling his hand out of hers. Rory looked away.

"Nothing really, it was an excuse because I was scared. I had to have a reason, and I didn't, not really. I was scared, and I was punishing you. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true," Rory said as Maisy brought out their food. This wasn't going the way she thought. Truthfully, she figured they would have left already, gone home reconciled. She was surprised Jess was questioning her. She could see he was thinking it over, processing, and her stomach clenched in fear.

"After you accident, our relationship accelerated so quickly, let's go out on a few dates, see where it goes naturally. Make sure it's how you really feel," Jess said, before changing the subject. "Your mom said you were writing a book, on Darfur?"

"I went the non-fiction route, a novel about violence against women worldwide, with personal accounts," Rory replied, confused by Jess's response. Letting him have his way, and steering the conversation to lighter subjects they ate their meal and headed to the movie in Hartford. Rory's mind wasn't on Les Miserables, but she was grateful for an excuse to cry. Needing to talk to her mom, she parked at the Dragonfly to let Jess out.

"I had a good time tonight," Rory said, although the sadness in her voice shined light on the lie.

"I'm sorry it wasn't what you hoped," Jess replied, knowing.

"I guess I don't understand why." Turning in the seat to look at him, she was surprised by the pain on his face. "I thought it's why you're here in Stars Hollow, why you came back, to be with me." Tears coursed down her cheeks.

"God Ror, please don't cry. I can't stand it when you cry. It is why I'm here. I wish I could take you in my arms and know everything was going to be okay. But I can't. We were going to get married this month! I mean, we hadn't set the date yet, but we said in the spring, and April is the last month of spring really. I don't even know what happened to the ring, all I know is you gave it back. You didn't want to get married anymore. Whatever made you do that, might still be there. And you have to be sure. You have to be sure it's not there and you want us," Jess said.

"I do want us, I swear I do," Rory said, watching him draw away.

"I wish I could be sure, Rory, I wish I could believe you, but right now, I just can't, it's too fast a change," Jess said, opening the door and getting out of the car before she touched him. If she touched him, he'd be lost. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked up the drive to the inn.

"Mom, I think I screwed up. I think I screwed everything up," Rory said, with her head in Lorelai's lap as she cried after her date with Jess. Lorelai had Rory talk her through the whole evening. When she finished, Lorelai moved her out of her lap, went into Rory's old room, and came out with something. Opening Rory's hand, she dropped the ring into it.

"After reading your note, Jess lay down on the bed in the apartment and didn't take his eyes off of your ring. He didn't eat, didn't drink, I don't think he even blinked. He stared at the ring. Luke tried to talk to him, he didn't get a response. He left the light on, thinking Jess would turn it off when he wanted to go to bed. It was still on when Luke opened. The next afternoon, Tristan went to talk to him, and said the same thing. He thought Jess was catatonic, and wanted to call a doctor. I saw him after dinner, I watched him for a while. His eyes were so red, and he stared at the ring. I moved to the table, carefully put my hand on the ring, and I took it out of his sight. His eyes drifted shut, and he slept. I brought the ring home. The next day he started his wandering. For two weeks, he went places you'd been together. Hoping you'd find him. I think he believed you'd find him, if he could see you, everything would be okay," Lorelai said. Luke had been eavesdropping in the kitchen. He joined them in the living room.

"And then he cracked. He had opened up, not just to you, but to the entire town, and everyone was watching him while he waited. It was too much. When you didn't accept him, when you didn't find him… Lorelai's right. He doesn't believe anymore. He's better now, more like his old self, and in time, he will heal. But I don't know if he'll ever have the certainty he used to have that the two of you were meant to be together," Luke said. "I don't know how you bring it back."


	20. Chapter 20- Trust Me With Your Love

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Twenty: Trust Me With Your Love

_What I've found, is you can't edit your life. Striking a word here or there, doesn't change the story. The theme. The people you've met, the effect you've had on each other's lives. What you've done is what's on the page, and I'm afraid the ending was already written. Years ago, even if it wasn't on the paper yet. Fixed in type, sent out into the world. Inviolate._

Rory was slowly going out of her mind. The townspeople were confused. Luke and Lorelai, Richard, Emily, Tristan, Paris, none of them could figure out what the hell was going on. Rory and Jess were dating. They went out on a real date once a week. She was surprised he asked after the way the first one ended. She thought maybe he was surprised too.

_Did you know other than the stray blind date, I've never really dated before. I'm not sure if we can date. We have histories and abandoned futures in the way. But then again, from everything I've read on the web, dating is supposed to be awkward at first. Let's see if our second date can end better than the first, and if we make it through it, at least we have the third date to look forward to. I promise though, I won't think you're easy, no matter how any of them end. So, I'll pick you up at six on Friday. If that's okay with you, maybe we can find a new future. Wear something dressy, but with comfortable shoes. Love, Jess_

For the second date, Jess took her dancing after dinner. Having him hold her in his arms was almost too much. Rory clung to him, listening to the beat of his heart, basking in his warmth. Jess embraced her tight, breathing in the scent of her, his breath ruffling her hair, making her shiver with longing. But when the music stopped for the night, they didn't kiss. Separating from each other reminded Rory of pulling taffy. Step by step, they disentangled their bodies, pulling away from each other. They kept their fingers entwined on the way outside, only breaking away to get into the car. Once there, Jess held onto the steering wheel with both hands. He didn't say anything, but she knew. The moment was over, and he didn't trust her with his heart. They didn't go dancing again. Their last two dates had been simple dinners followed by movies. They talked about everything, and nothing. Skirting around the issues. At the end of each night, she told him she loved him, he said it back, and then she drove to her mom's to cry while he walked up the Dragonfly drive. After what Luke said, she knew it was actions, not words which would make the difference. But she didn't know what more she could do. Terrified she and Jess were drifting apart, she stayed awake during the night to watch him sleep. She didn't even read, she sat, legs drawn up to her chest, arms wrapped around her knees. Wishing she had the guts to crawl into bed with him, but she was afraid. Afraid if she did he would pull away. She didn't think she could bear that happening. If it did, she'd give in to defeat, put the house up for sale, and quit putting herself in his path.

Jess was waiting. He didn't know for what, but he was waiting. He waited at work, while they talked business and books. Sometimes grabbing a quick lunch together at Luke's. He waited at the inn. Rory had taken to napping in the afternoons after work, and he'd lean in the doorway guarding over her while she slept. It was only fair, he'd seen her leave his room more than once, so he knew she was watching him sleep. So he watched her. Wishing he could trust himself to touch her, to hold her. His will power was only so strong, but he was terrified she would run again if he kissed her. Terrified she'd regret it and pull away. He wouldn't be able to handle it if she did. It would be the end of the little comfort they had found. So he had to be sure. He didn't know what he was waiting for, how he would know, he only knew it wasn't time.

And then, Rory had an idea. It was bold, and could end horribly. It could seriously backfire on her, crushing her into nothingness. But it was an idea. She had to wake him up somehow. Tell him she trusted him with her heart, and remind him he could trust her with his. Enlisting her mom, her Grandma, Sookie, and Miss Patty's reluctant help, she began to make arrangements.

A hectic two weeks later, forty-five minutes early for their date, Rory parked at the Dragonfly, grabbed the bag out of the car, and headed up the steps. Opening the connecting door, she surprised Jess who was exiting the shower. Rory decided to take the initiative right off the bat. Not that Jess could speak. She figured he wouldn't be able to form a complete sentence for at least ten minutes.

"Right now, all of our friends and family are dressing in their finest attire and in an hour will be waiting for us at the bridge," Rory said as Jess's eyes took in the sight of the wedding dress she was wearing. She laid the garment bag on the bed. "You can put your tailcoat on from mom's wedding and come with me to the bridge. You can marry me, or you can stay here. I'll go to the bridge by myself and tell everyone to enjoy the cake, but there won't be a wedding tonight. It doesn't mean there won't ever be a wedding. It means, well, I don't know what it would mean. Jess, I believe in us, in our love, in our future together. You have to decide if you do. No matter what you decide about tonight, I love you, I trust you to do the right things for me and my heart, and I always will. I know it's what you did, what you always have done." Rory pulled the long chain from around her neck and set it on the table. "I've been wearing your ring since mom gave it back to me over a month ago. I'd like you to put it on my finger where it belongs. I'll be downstairs in the lobby. You have forty-five minutes before we, or I, need to leave for the bridge. If you don't come down, I'll know you aren't ready to marry me." Rory left a stunned Jess standing in the bathroom door, wearing nothing but a towel, as she went down the steps to the lobby.

The wait was horrendous. Rory thought she might very well die of fear as the minutes ticked by ever so slow. She fingered her something new teardrop pearl earrings her grandfather had given her. She adjusted the something blue garter. She tried to read, she paced. She made sure her something old silver hair comb was secure in the elaborate twist Emily's hairdresser had created. It had been Luke's grandmother's, and she really didn't want to lose it in the pond. Tristan tried to give her a little handgun for her borrowed item, just in case she needed to persuade Jess to come with her to the bridge. She ended up with an ankle bracelet Sasha had been wearing. The tiny dangling silver bells chimed when she shook her foot. She spent a grand total of three minutes shaking her foot trying to make music. After a half an hour, she almost went back upstairs to listen at the door or to plead. After thirty-five minutes, she had to talk herself out of leaving. And at thirty eight minutes she vomited into a potted plant, thanking God her hair was styled up. She was scrubbing her teeth with a wad of Kleenex, when Jess came silently down the steps. He watched her for a second, confused.

"What are you doing?" he asked, making her jump. She stared at him with shiny eyes. She had been running through her "there isn't going to be a wedding" speech as she tried to clean her teeth. At forty one minutes, she had given up hope. He looked incredible, and he was there. Dressed and ready to go at forty three minutes.

"I vomited," Rory said, not breaking eye contact. Jess sighed, and shook his head. Turning away, he spoke.

"Let me get your toothpaste and toothbrush," he said, taking the steps two at a time and returning swiftly. "Here," he handed her the supplies, including mouthwash. "I'm sorry I took so long, I would have been down faster, but I couldn't get my cuffs buttoned or my tie right. I gave up on the tie." Rory finished brushing her teeth with Michel's imported bottle water, spitting in his garbage can, then threw her arms around Jess's neck, burying her face in his collar. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her, crushing her to his chest.

"It's okay, you weren't late," she said, pulling back and looking into his eyes. "Are you sure? You have to be sure."

"I'm sure, I don't know what I was waiting for, but I think this was it," Jess said, showing her the ring, and sliding it onto her finger. "When I saw it again I knew I was being an idiot. Wasting time. I dried off, dressed, somehow hit a cufflink time warp, realized how close I was cutting it and came down. We don't have wedding bands," he said as he used his thumbs to wipe the tears out from under her eyes. Holding her face, smoothing his fingers across her cheeks.

"Yeah we do, I picked them out for us. We should go, everyone's nervous, maybe not vomit-ey nervous, but waiting. I have to drop you off with Luke, and then go around to the other side of the park. The guests will be sitting on the bank. I had Kirk cut back the brush and Taylor took it another step and cut down a couple of the trees so there's more seating space, and we can get married in the middle. We added a rope railing on the back of the bridge, wrapped in a flower garland and lights. And Luke added a platform for Reverend Skinner to stand on. Hopefully no one will fall in," Rory said, throwing her arms around him again, holding tight. She was trembling.

"It's okay, shhhhh, easy Rory, it's okay. I love you, and I want this. I've wanted this for so long. I lost myself for a while, but I'm back now, we're back now. I love you, and need you by my side always," Jess said in her ear, soothing her.

"But do you trust me with your love? Are you certain?" Rory asked into his neck. Jess pushed up at her chin till she was looking into his eyes.

"Yes. Let's get to the bridge and I'll prove it," he said with a smile.


	21. Chapter 21: Meet Me On Our Bridge

**Disclaimer- Gilmore Girls and the characters associated with the show are not mine.**

Chapter Twenty One: Meet Me on the Bridge

_California was me running. From my past, from my future. From it all. It didn't take long for me to see there was nothing there, and I couldn't run from her. She followed me everywhere, no matter where I wandered. New York, Philadelphia, Connecticut. Always she follows me. Still. Now. Forever. She is my reason. The reason I have a relationship with my parents. The reason I'm free to love and can keep friends. The reason I can hold my head up around others. The reason I can look in the mirror. The reason. For everything._

Meeting Luke and the rest of the groomsmen in the parking lot, Jess was shocked by the size of his wedding party. How was the bridge going to hold everyone? Hopefully all those fundraisers had been put to good use. Were they even for this bridge? His thoughts were chaotic as he was stunned to see not only Matt and Chris in formal attire, but also Tristan, Richard and Ray. Stopping in mid-step he almost fell.

"As your best man I would like to lodge a formal protest," Luke said, catching Jess by the arm, "Rory got his contact information from Tristan and called him. This wedding will be a bit different. The groomsmen and bridesmaids will walk toward each other from both sides, till we reach our spots. We practiced last night without you. He's going to escort you forward, past us, to meet your bride. He's giving you away. Rory thought it was fitting. Christopher is giving Rory away. It'll be interesting at least. I'll try not to push him in the pond. Christopher or Ray. Oh, and Tristan searched Ray, and made his entourage stay in Hartford. Here's a note from Rory," Luke said, handing the paper to Jess.

_Jess,_

_In thinking about the groomsmen and the bridesmaids, I made choices for you which you may not have made for yourself. Or maybe you would have. Hopefully, you'll agree with them. One more thing, by now you've seen Ray (and Luke has expressed his dismay). I have one thing to say about Ray giving you away. It's right. Give Grandma a thumbs up when you're ready. See you at our favorite spot. ~P.S. Grandma had the swan captured for the night, so you'll be safe!_

_Love, Rory_

Chuckling, Jess walked forward with Luke. Rory had called Ray. Rory had talked him into being in the wedding. He was amazed. Of course, she'd read his book. So she knew. If anyone knew how he felt about Ray, she did.

"So you're giving me away?" Jess asked Ray, who had come forward and was fixing Jess's tie.

"Your bride is persuasive. I tried to tell her you might not appreciate it, and some of your friends and family really wouldn't, but she promised no one would push me into the water," he said with a look at Luke, who shrugged. "She said she was grateful to me, for saving you, for helping you when you needed it. Momma's here too," Ray added, taking the boutonnière from Luke and pining it on Jess's lapel. "Rory has a generous heart, Jess. She and I talked last night, cleared the air a bit. I like her, she has spunk." Jess nodded, agreeing and understanding. Rory had given Ray a bit of hell, deserved of course, but then she welcomed him too. He was happy Ray and his mom were here. Sure, the meet meant more in terms of Ray's word, but this confirmed it, he was free. Plus what Rory was saying was, to some extent, Ray could be in their lives. Probably not Godfather to their unborn children, although the thought made him smirk, but maybe lunches when they visited New York.

"Are we ready? It looks like everyone's seated," Jess said, before giving a thumbs up to Emily, who sent Sookie and Lane's children to push lanterns into the pond. Doula and Gigi were next as they moved forward to drop flower petals across the bridge and into the water. Taking a moment to look around, Jess was impressed with the decorations. The bridge was beautiful with the lighted flower garland, and white runner. The trees all around the lake were lit with twinkle lights, and the pond had the floating lanterns. There were a few strategically placed spotlights, since the sun was setting, but the bridge was well lit. The whole area was filled with white and blue flowers. Emily and the town had gone all out on this warm May evening.

Turning to face Matt and Chris together, Jess smiled. After several long conversations, with Matt threatening to kick his ass multiple times, his friends had let his abandonment of Truncheon go. Although the digs didn't seem to be letting up.

"You guys have been through a lot with me. I'm glad you're here to see this."

"Yeah, we love you too, Mariano. Truth is though, we'd do anything for Rory, and her dad said we could keep these cool tailored suits," Chris said, moving forward at the same time as Lilly to the sounds of an orchestra playing The Clash. Jess laughed as he recognized the song White Riot, he had to admit, it sounded pretty, and those were words he never thought he'd say. The Clash sounded pretty. Matt smacked Jess in the arm.

"Her organizational skills are outstanding. I tried to get her to marry me instead, but she wasn't going for it." Jess smirked at Matt's comment and watched as he headed to a spot opposite April. Standing at the end of the bridge, Jess guessed the bridesmaid dresses were nice; they were light silver evening gowns in different styles, and they glinted in the lights. Tristan approached next.

"I am so glad I didn't have to kick your ass tonight. I wasn't going to put up with you letting her get away, even if I had stand behind you with a shotgun."

"Yeah, I saw the 'gentlemen' getting ready to open my door. If I would've known they were out there, I could've had help with my cufflinks. I guess I appreciate your enthusiasm for my impeding nuptials. Too bad you're on this end of the bridge, you would've looked good in a silver dress," Jess smirked, before thumping Tristan on the back and pushing him onto the bridge toward his spot across from Paris. Who was glaring at Tristan for holding up her walk down the makeshift aisle.

"Jess, I wanted you to know, I couldn't be happier with Rory's choice of you as her husband," Richard said, shaking Jess's hand before moving out onto the bridge at the same time as Lane. He was glad Rory had picked Richard to be in the wedding. All her choices had been meaningful, both to her and him.

"I'm proud of you Jess, and I'm damn glad you came tonight. Not that I doubted you. I'll see you out there," Luke said as he walked forward, giving Jess an awkward hug before moving towards Lorelai, whose ear to ear grin coaxed a smile onto Luke's face in response. Ray brushed a speck of fluff off Jess's shoulder.

"You look happy, Jess. You finally look happy."

"I'm glad you're here Ray, this giving away thing is bizarre, but I'm glad you're here," Jess said. The groomsmen and bridesmaids were in position with Luke and Lorelai in the center, leaving only enough space for the bride and groom on either side of Reverend Skinner. It was a beautiful scene. This evening was so perfectly Rory. Elegant with a touch of crazy, Jess thought as the music changed tempo and what vaguely sounded like the Distillers began to play. Jess watched the photographers snap pictures, and waited for Rory.

"I've been instructed to double check with you, to make sure, this is what you want. Rory is worried she pressured you into this, and wants you to know you can still leave," Ray said showing Jess a text.

"She's texting you? During our wedding? Tell her I'm not giving her the same option and I expect to meet her in the middle," Jess said, smirking while Ray sent the message. Seeing Rory move into position in her floor length, strapless trumpet styled wedding dress, Jess's smirk turned into a real smile as he began walking forward with Ray. Rory matched Jess step for step with her father. Meeting in the middle, Ray shook Jess's hand and kissed Rory on the cheek.

"Take good care of my little brother's heart, he's loved you since he was seventeen," Ray said before turning and heading to his seat. Christopher kissed Rory on her cheek.

"Take good care of my girl, I haven't always been there for her, but I know you will be from now on," he said, and put her hand in Jess's before turning the way he came and going to sit down. Reverend Skinner began the ceremony, and while he was speaking, Jess whispered to Rory.

"Please don't tell me I was supposed to write my own vows."

"No, I went classic. Now pay attention, we're trying to get married here," Rory whispered back. Jess stared into her laughing eyes, and although he knew he repeated everything at the right time, placed the ring on her finger, and received one, he was surprised when he was told he could kiss the bride. Sliding his hands onto her waist, he dropped his forehead onto hers.

"This kiss makes me yours forever. Are you sure?" he asked, voice rough with feeling, as he tugged her closer.

"Kiss me, Jess," she said, smiling at him.

"As you wish. Always, from here out, as you wish." Tugging her lower lip forward with his teeth, he teased his tongue across it before slanting his mouth over hers. Kissing her deeply. Pulling away, he laughed down at her bemused expression as their friends and family cheered.

**A/N-Thank you for reading! And for letting me know you did by reviewing! Don't forget to let me know if I made the connections for such an off the wall plot to work! Also- on youtube there are strings version of the Clash and the Distillers. The Clash is actually pretty!**


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